Labyrinthine
by christinaking
Summary: There's an unsub on the loose who exposes Emily and Derek's relationship. A casefile set amongst flashbacks of a seven-years long journey. "It's not a roller coaster ride, Em. It's more like a labyrinth. There are twists and turns and sometimes we get lost, but we're both inside it. We just have to hang in there until we find the middle together." - Derek Morgan, Labyrinthine
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

_When you leave,  
weary of me,  
without a word I shall gently let you go." _

_- Kim Sowal_

May 18, 2012

"Hey G-man, the song's over," said Emily.

Derek shrugged and held Emily a little tighter. JJ and Will's wedding had been beautiful, but it was marred by the fact that he knew Emily was leaving. Derek whispered in Emily's ear, "As long as I'm holding you, you can't disappear."

Emily lifted her head from his shoulder and looked him in the eye. "I'm not going to disappear from your life, Derek," she said softly. In her head she thought, _I only want to disappear from mine._

Derek released his hold on Emily. "How about a drink and a walk around the garden?"

Emily nodded, biting her lip nervously as he poured them each a glass of wine. She wasn't sure she wanted to follow him. She'd held up her end of a promise she'd made to him eight months previously; she had promised him she would never leave again without talking to him first. Emily needed this, the hardest goodbye, to be over so she could get on with things.

She had spent an emotionally exhausting fourteen months trying to leave Lauren Reynolds in her past. When she was in Paris, it was impossible. Doyle was still alive, her friends thought she was dead and aside from very occasional contact with JJ, she had absolutely no one. She spent a wretched six months either being out and looking over her shoulder constantly to make sure the monster from her past wasn't following her, or staying holed up in one small hotel room after the other, steeping in the mess she'd made of her life. Neither scenario provided an emotional sanctuary for healing and moving on.

When she returned, when Doyle was dead and Declan was safe and she was back with her family at the BAU, she thought she would feel monumentally better. She didn't. She went to therapy and lied to the therapist, she threw herself into her friend's issues and was emotionally available to them, she devoted herself to her work. Emily knew that in order to find footing in her life and get back on track, she needed be emotionally available to herself, but that seemed an insurmountable task around the team. The feeling that had been building inside her for weeks and came bubbling to the surface that day was that she would have to leave if she ever hoped to truly put herself back together.

Derek turned to hand Emily her glass of wine, and gave her a sad, small smile. He gently put one hand on her back and guided her down the garden path. When they were well away from the group, he started talking.

"I'm trying to grow a garden. At one of the houses I'm renovating. Usually I just put in simple landscape after the inside is done, then sell. But I decided I wanted to make the backyard of this one house really special. I renovate houses to use my muscles and take out aggression after a particularly rough case. This garden thing is cathartic. I'm learning that being gentle and making things grow can erase the pain of a case as much as knocking down walls. It's just different. Calmer. It makes me feel peaceful."

He stopped and turned to look at Emily, who faced him and raised her eyebrows, not quite sure what to say. They'd worked hard to rebuild their friendship after she returned from Paris, but there had been few deep or meaningful conversations. Before Emily could formulate a response, Derek grasped her free hand, linking their fingers, closed his eyes briefly and then continued.

"I've been trying to learn how to cook and I'm not half bad at it." He smiled at her and she smiled back, remembering some disastrous evenings of Derek's cooking concoctions from the past.

Derek took a deep breath and dropped his voice to a whisper, laden with emotion. "When I thought you were dead, I would take a picnic blanket, a couple of beers and a book to your gravesite. I'd open a beer for each of us and I'd read to you." Derek took in a shuddering breath and smiled at her, "Good, nerdy books."

Emily smiled at him through tears. Derek took the wine glass from her hand and placed both of their glasses on the bench next to them. He wrapped her in a hug and whispered, "My heart broke the night I thought I'd lost you. When you came back, we agreed that you needed to emotionally heal and I needed to learn to forgive you, and that we would work on rebuilding our friendship. Neither one of us did a very good job, did we?"

Emily shook her head against his shoulder. "I purposely gave time to everyone but myself because I couldn't face the things I needed to face," she said.

"And I kept you at a distance. I know you need to go to London. I understand, Em. I just don't want one of the reasons you're leaving to be because I've kept a wall around me since you came back."

Emily pulled her head away from Derek's shoulder and gently placed her hands on his chest. "I love you, you know that. I'm so sorry I hurt you like I did. I'm sorry I hurt everyone when I took off after Doyle. I think I have to forgive myself for that in order to move forward and figure out who I am now, but I can't do that when I'm looking every day at the faces of the people I hurt."

Emily moved her hands up and gently cupped his face. "You're not the reason I'm leaving, but I don't think it would be good for either of us in the long run if you were the reason I stayed right now."

A lone tear slowly made its way down Derek's face and Emily gently wiped it. He leaned in and brushed his lips against hers, chaste and feather light, but loving at the same time. "When you find what you're looking for, I hope you come back. I'll be here."

Derek released her, handed her back her glass of wine and gently squeezed her fingers before walking away, back to the party.

Ten days later, Emily left for London.


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

_A sound discretion is not so much indicated by never making a mistake as by never repeating it._

_-Christian Nestell Bovee_

July 10, 2014

Aaron Hotcher put his and Jack's breakfast dishes in the sink.

"Ok, buddy. Teeth and shoes. We have to get you to day camp. Just one more day until Friday!"

Jack smiled, "And no work this weekend, right?"

"Right! I can't wait to spend time with you." He tousled the boy's hair. "Now scoot so we're not late."

Aaron was actively trying to give his team and himself more personal time, with rotating off-call weekends unless it was a catastrophic emergency that required the whole team. Morgan was already on vacation, having put in for the time a few months back, but it was still technically Aaron's weekend to be off call and he was going to try to make it happen.

Ten minutes later, Aaron handed Jack his lunch and Jack opened the door to the apartment.

"Daddy, there's a package for you out here."

Hotch looked and saw the thick, unmarked envelope lying outside his front door. "Don't touch it, Jack." Hotch crouched down and gingerly grabbed a corner, flipping the envelope over. His stomach clenched tightly when he saw his name spelled out in letters cut from a magazine. He quickly looked up and down his hallway. "Let's come back inside for a second, buddy."

Aaron went to the kitchen and grabbed two plastic bags and returned to the door. He put one on his hand and lifted the package into the other bag, which he then tied up.

"What is it, Daddy?" asked Jack nervously.

"Probably nothing important," he said, trying to calm his son. "I'm going to lock you inside for a second and look around, though, just to see if whoever left this is still here. I won't leave our hallway, though. I'll be able to see our door the whole time. Count to one hundred slowly and I'll be back."

Aaron stepped into his hall and closed and locked his door behind him. He unsnapped his gun holster and rested his hand on the butt. The sound of a door opening startled him and he spun around to look, relieved to see it was only his elderly neighbor stepping out her door, holding her little dog. He was thankful he hadn't drawn his weapon her.

"Did you get your package, dear?"

"Yes I did, Abigail. Did you happen to see who left it?"

"Not well. He was walking away when I was taking Lulu here out to tinkle around midnight. I never saw his face, though. He was about your height, but much more muscular, and was wearing a navy blue baseball cap. I asked him if I could help him as he was walking away, and he told me that it had been delivered to his mailbox by mistake. But he never turned around. I didn't recognize him, but I mostly only know the people on this floor."

"Thanks, Abigail." If the package was left at midnight, the deliverer was likely long gone.

Hotch returned to his apartment and unlocked the door. "All clear, Jack. Let's get you to camp." Keeping a careful eye out just in case, they made their way to the car and Aaron put the package in the trunk. He drove Jack the few blocks to the community center, signed him in to camp and watched him walk in the doors of the building. He turned the car around and returned to his apartment building.

He'd chosen this residence for several reasons, the biggest of which was its security. He approached the security office on the first floor and walked in.

The man at the desk looked up. "Hey Aaron. Everything ok?"

"Jared, I need you to pull up the video feed from the front door and my floor from about 11:45 to 12:15 last night. Someone left a package at my door and I don't think it was anyone who lives here. I need to know who it was and how he got in the building."

Jared turned to his computer and started typing. "Let's start with your hallway. Then we can backtrack the time to the front door. But, Aaron, that front door is secure. If he got in this building, he either came in with someone or somehow stole a key fob. Which is possible, but I haven't had anyone report a missing key fob, and I change the activation codes on those like clockwork, every day. It would be difficult to make a working one."

Aaron nodded. He worked with one of the best hackers in the world and knew anything was possible. He went to stand behind the security guard, watching as the video feed came up on the screen. He could see his front door clearly in the picture. Jared hit the controls to fast forward. At 12:07am, the package appeared on his doorstep.

"What the hell?" exclaimed Jared. He rewound the tape to the 12:06 mark, then let it play back in real time.

They both watched in silence. At 12:06:59 there was a flash of black on the screen. Then at 12:07:00, the package was there.

"Oh, shit. How could that happen? This is the best system out there. If someone was able to loop the video feed for a few minutes so he could go undetected, he would have to be good, and it could only be done from inside the building."

Hotch breathed deeply out his nose. "I want you to keep looking. If he did that from inside the building, he got in somehow. Scan people coming in and out the door all day yesterday. If you find something, call me at this number." He reached over and grabbed a pen and a piece of paper and wrote down his personal cell number. After The Replicator, Aaron was cautious. The BAU's relationship with the higher ups was still tenuous at best. He didn't want to bring a potentially personal matter into the FBI without knowing more first.

Hotch returned to his vehicle and retrieved the package and a pair of gloves from his trunk and closed it. Setting the envelope on top of the trunk, he slit the top, looked inside and discovered another wrapped package. He pulled it out and felt the edges, not quite the perimeter of a piece of paper. Flipping it over he saw more magazine letters.

"How come you never profiled this?"

Carefully slitting the tape that held the cover on, Hotch gasped when he saw the first picture on top. Feeling dread, he picked up the stack of photos and quickly flipped through them. They were all the same subjects, about 50 photos in all.

He reached for his personal cell and dialed Rossi on his.

"If you're calling me on this number, it must be bad."

"Rossi, are you at the office already?"

"No. You said 9:00, right? I'm just getting ready to leave the house."

"Change of plans. Can the team meet at your house this morning?"

"Aaron, what's going on? Is everyone ok?"

"I think so, for now. We just need to keep this potential case out of Quantico. Call JJ and Reid. I'll contact Garcia. And, Dave, personal cell phones only. Pass on the message."

Hotch disconnected and dialed his technical analyst. Garcia looked at the unfamiliar number as it came through on her phone.

"Hello?"

"Garcia, it's Hotch. I'm calling on my other phone. I need you to bring your laptop to Rossi's immediately. And anything else you might need to do some research. You're going to have to do some hacking, and none of it can be done on Bureau equipment."

"Sir, are you all right?"

"I am. Can you get a hold of Morgan?"

"No, sir, I don't think so. He was taking his off-call time seriously. When he left on Tuesday he told me he was going someplace off the grid and wouldn't have service. He's not due back until Monday. I don't even know where he is."

"Ok. I don't want to talk about this over the phone. Get to Rossi's as quickly as you can."

Aaron got in his car and pulled out of lot, not quite able to shake the images he'd just seen from his head. "Damn," he said. Turning the opposite direction from Quantico, he headed to Rossi's.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The team arrived one after the other. Rossi made coffee and Aaron sat quietly at the dining room table, waiting for everyone to gather.

Penelope was setting up two laptops in front of her.

"Garcia I need you to be a ghost about this. Whatever you do, whomever you talk to, it can't trace back to the FBI or this team. Understood?"

Garcia looked nervously at Hotch with wide eyes. "Absolutely, sir."

"That goes for all of you. As of this moment we are using personal time, and we just have to hope an emergency call doesn't come in."

They all nodded and looked at their boss. Hotch started in with the facts.

"This morning I found this package outside my front door, inside was another package." He pulled out the secondary wrapping that was back around the photographs and let them read the words. The team looked nervously at each other.

"Whoever left this package is very sophisticated. I used precaution opening the package, but given the fact that this unsub was able to breach the security in my building and not be seen on the camera in my hallway, I feel pretty certain there's not going to be a shred of trace evidence."

He looked around the table again and cleared his throat, his discomfort evident to the people who knew him so well.

"There are about 50 photos in there of the same subjects, in date order, if the dates are accurate. The most recent was taken yesterday. The earliest is dated October 19, 2007."

"October 19, 2007. That was after that case in Denver dealing with the foster children murdering families. We flew home that day and took Emily out for a late birthday celebration," Reid said.

Hotch nodded. "Yes and we all left as it got late. Morgan and Prentiss were the last two there."

"You remember all of that?"

"No, it's what I deduced from the picture. I remember Reid and Garcia left first. JJ and I left a little later at the same time that night; I remember I was her ride."

JJ nodded, "That's right. My car wouldn't start that day."

"Yes, and I'm quite certain I didn't see this while I was there, which means it happened after."

He laid that picture on the table and the team all gave various shocked expressions and sounds.

In the photo, Emily and Derek were on the dance floor at the bar, her back pressed to Derek's front, an arm languidly wrapped behind Derek's neck. Derek had one hand on her hip and the other was pressed against her stomach, under her shirt. His head was bent forward, kissing Emily's neck. Emily's eyes were closed, a content smile on her face.

Rossi found his voice first. "You said the pictures were all of the same subjects. That whole stack is of Morgan and Prentiss?"

"Yes. And that one of them dancing is benign compared to most of the rest, including one taken just yesterday. The others don't include nearly as much clothing."

Reid blushed and Garcia was just staring at Hotch, mouth agape.

"Did any of you know they were involved?"

"I didn't even know Emily danced," Garcia said, breaking the tension a bit as they responded with short, nervous laughs.

Hotch noticed JJ looking down. "I know it's never pleasant to betray a friend, but JJ, the last picture was taken yesterday, which means this person knows where they are and we don't."

Garcia started typing while JJ spoke. "I didn't know back then. I found out after Emily got back from Paris. I didn't know they were seeing each other recently. Emily said it was on again and off again throughout the years, starting after she'd been with the BAU for about a year. She said they'd start feeling exhausted from the sneaking around and lying to all of us and stop, but it would inevitably start back up again. After Doyle, though, I thought there was something irreparable. I didn't know it had been fixed."

Hotch nodded. "This picture was taken after Emily had been with us for about a year, so that fits. That's the timeline we are working with."

Reid spoke up, "Or that's the timeline the unsub wants us to think we are working with. This unsub has been following them for years and they never knew. We shouldn't assume that the stalking didn't start until that picture was taken. And we need to figure out why now, after over 7 years, did he send them to us."

"Also, we need to figure out who the focus is here. Is this about Emily or Derek?" Said Rossi.

"I think the focus is Prentiss. And I think I know why. She called me last week and said she'd be in DC next Tuesday and wanted to talk to me about returning to the BAU."

"Really? She wants to come back?" Reid asked hopefully, and the team exchanged smiles.

"Yes, which was going to be difficult to get approval for on its own. It might be impossible now," said Hotch. "The good news so far is that this person has only been a voyeur all these years, so they are probably physically safe. Still, we don't know if there is a stressor that could potentially change that. We need to reach them and get them back here so we can figure this out."

"Hotch, who did you tell about Emily calling you?" asked JJ.

"No one. I wasn't even in the office when the call came in; I was at home."

Garcia spoke up, "Ok, Emily flew into New York on Monday, then flew into Roanoke yesterday morning, arriving at 10:05am. About five months ago, she charged $950 to Lake Mountain Realty, which rents vacation homes and condos all over the mountains up above Roanoke. But I don't have the address of what she rented yet. Working on it. I can't locate their cell phones on GPS, which means they are either turned off or there is no service."

"It's a house, and it's very secluded." Deciding that the team was going to have to get over the content of the photos in order to work the case, Hotch placed the most recent picture on the table and they all glanced at it, then looked away quickly.

"Oh my God," JJ whispered, "Are all of the pictures like this?" Hotch could only nod.

"Some things are best left to the imagination. I feel so skeevy seeing these," whispered Garcia.

The picture lay on the table. It was taken outside. The angle showed a very naked Emily from the back, straddling an equally naked Morgan. His hands were on her waist and her head was thrown back in ecstasy. Shadows of leaves and trees fell across the decking and their bodies.

Reid reached over and flipped the picture upside down.

"This is going to be uncomfortable and a huge invasion of privacy, but we need to look at these and get any clues we can. Reid, you are best at this. I need you to look at these like you would any other case."

Reid looked up with very red cheeks and nodded.

"Hotch, I'm not a profiler and I'd rather not look if that's ok," said Garcia.

Hotch nodded. "Only if it's absolutely necessary. The rest of you, let's spread these out on the island in the kitchen and get to work. Garcia. Find them."


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

October 19, 2007

_Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing at all. _

_- Helen Keller_

JJ gave Emily a quick hug and said, "Happy Birthday, Emily. See you guys later!"

"Happy Birthday, Prentiss. Remember, we're not meeting at the office until 10:00 tomorrow," said Hotch. "Goodnight, Morgan."

They left and Emily and Derek settled into their chairs in the quietest corner of the bar. After a few drinks over the course of the evening, Emily was feeling relaxed. The late start the next day was a reprieve. She didn't feel compelled to leave, and neither did Morgan. "Another round, birthday girl?" he asked.

"Sure."

"Ok. Be right back."

Emily watched Derek while he walked to the bar, giving herself a moment to take in the view while his back was turned to her. Lately things had started feeling different between them. They were getting closer. They'd worked well together from the beginning, and became friends soon after, but in the past couple of months they'd been spending more time together, hanging out, having lunch, talking about books. He was spending less time going out on Friday nights for his hook ups and spending more time at her place, eating take out and watching movies.

Emily was attracted to him, and she knew the feeling was mutual. But fraternization in the FBI was very frowned upon, and when it came to people who worked in the same unit, it was cause for more than just a written reprimand. She knew some people got away with it, but those people didn't work in the BAU and didn't have a woman like Strauss watching their every move. And for Emily it was a bit more. Propriety and properness were drilled into her every day growing up; and with her name she felt like she was under more scrutiny than the rest of the team.

Still, she sometimes let herself indulge in the fantasy of it all, but that was the extent of it. And in her heart she knew it had less to do with the job and FBI rules and more to do with herself and her inability to let her walls down. Her upbringing may have drilled professionalism into her, but her time with Doyle had ruined her for intimacy. What she did with that man was in direct contrast to the values her mother forced upon her with a heavy hand. It was ironic, really. Remaining professional for the sake of her job had forced her to sleep with a man that disgusted her, whose treatment of her bordered on abuse some of the time. She felt shameful every time she thought about it, and she hadn't been able to make it fully through a single date without panic setting in since then. But no one in the BAU knew a thing about that life, and she planned to keep it that way.

She had to admit that there was no panic at the thought of hanging out with Derek. At first she fooled herself into thinking that it was because it wasn't a date, so there were no expectations. She knew, though, that that wasn't the whole truth. Their last case, when Derek had stood there hugging that poor boy as he looked at the photos of a false-happy foster family, she realized what a deeply warm man he was. She trusted this beautiful man with her life, but she was pretty certain that she'd permanently lost the ability to trust any person with heart.

Derek returned with their drinks, sat down next to her and smiled. She took a sip and said, "Thanks, my friend."

"So, princess. Any last birthday wishes I can fulfill?"

Emily looked at him, startled. Lately his innuendo had taken a twist. They weren't light-hearted jokes about feeling his abs any longer. His tone had become more serious and there was a smoldering look in his eye when he made suggestions these days; he was seeking permission for something Emily didn't think she could give.

She felt her face flush. "Derek," she whispered, looking down.

He reached out and cupped his hand on the side of her face. "Hey, Em, I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't do or say things like that, but I can't help myself sometimes. Lately, I want more. I know all the reasons we shouldn't, but I can't seem to find it in me to care that much about the rules."

Emily dragged her eyes back up to him and bit her lip nervously, took a gulp of her drink. She acknowledged she needed to explain and make him understand why she emotionally ran away like a scared kitten any time he said things like this, and it seemed like there was no better time than the present. She was coherent, but the alcohol had given her a bit of liquid courage.

"I'm less worried about the rules and more worried about our friendship. Crossing a line could wreck it."

"It would change things, but I don't think it would wreck it. You and I can read each other pretty well. And we're generally good at being honest with each other, too. I think if we committed to always being truthful with each other about how we were feeling, our friendship would be ok."

She pondered that for a moment. "Possibly. But you're assuming that who I am as a friend and coworker is the same person I am in a relationship. The reality is I suck at relationships. I'm no good at them."

"I find that hard to believe."

Emily shook her head. "No, really. We've kind of been dancing around this for awhile and I just want to be honest with you. I can fake it well on the surface, but intimacy is difficult for me. I can't let my walls down, or give up control. The reasons why are long and not really something I want to talk about. So when you look at me like that and throw out innuendo, I don't know what to do. I wish I was the kind of woman who could look at you and tell you exactly what kind of birthday wishes you could fulfill, but that's just not me. I fear I'd be a huge disappointment to you in that regard."

"Em, I know you think I'm some sort of player. I portray that version of myself to the outside world. And I enjoy dating, but with everything that happened to me growing up, intimacy isn't always easy for me, either. You could never disappointment me."

It was Derek's turn to look down, slightly embarrassed. Emily leaned forward and touched his hand. Sometimes she forgot about what happened to Morgan as a teenager. She leaned her head down slightly to catch his eyes again and he looked up at her.

She smiled sadly at him. "We're both kind of a hot mess, huh?"

"Just a little bit," he said, smiling back.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, sipping their drinks, looking at each other and lost in their own thoughts. Finally, Emily whispered, "I could try." Derek looked at her, slightly stunned and a little hopeful. Emily continued, "For more, I mean. I can't promise anything except I'll be honest with you, and that may mean honestly telling you I can't do this. But we could try," she repeated again softly.

Derek leaned forward, surprising her, and brushed his lips against hers. It was a ghost of a touch but it set Emily's heart racing. She kept waiting for the panic to come, but it wasn't there, she realized happily. With Derek, it wasn't there.

Derek didn't press for more; instead he leaned back with a satisfied smile on his face. He glanced to his left a bit and looked back at her. "Hey, can you dance?"

She smiled at him. "Can and do are two different things. I can dance. I don't dance. But I guess I could make an exception tonight."

Emily knocked back the rest of her drink and was feeling a little buzzed, which was good. The reality was that she could dance quite well, but dancing seemed to be in the same category as dating and sex when it came to her walls. She hadn't danced in public since college. She was going to give it a shot, though.

Derek stood and held out his hand, which she took, and he led her to the dance floor. With every moment that the panic didn't come, she felt more and more emboldened. She smiled slyly at him.

"What are you smiling about?"

"You'll see." Emily took a deep breath, reminded herself that she trusted this man, and began to move. And Derek saw. He was pretty sure every person in the bar saw within moments. Emily Prentiss could seriously dance.

"Jesus," he exclaimed. She smiled wider, true mirth on her face, and danced closer to him.

"You ok there, buddy?" He nodded.

"Breathe, Morgan. I've seen you dance. You can keep up." Derek laughed at that and put a hand on her waist, leaving enough space for them to both dance, but making sure every other man in that place knew not to get near her.

Emily found that what her last therapist had told her was true. Sometimes life is just about taking a leap. As soon as she let her guard down a bit, she felt freer than she'd felt in more than a decade. Dancing with Morgan was erotic, and it didn't scare her.

Derek had to keep reminding himself that this was not a dream; this was absolutely real life. It was absolutely real life that Emily had slung an arm around the back of his neck and was moving her hips in a way that made most of the blood in Derek's body rush south. It was real life that he was having a difficult time dancing while watching a bead of sweat make a slow path from her neck down between her breasts. It was absolutely real life when he took a risk and worked the hand on her waist under the edge of her top so that he touched the skin of her torso for the first time.

That move made Em gasp and her eyes lock with his. At first Derek was afraid she was going to move away. But she smiled again. And that was also absolute real life. Emily Prentiss had probably smiled at him more in the past ten minutes than she ever did in a week.

Emily had forgotten the power one could derive from acknowledging and sharing a mutual attraction. For the moment, she found herself forgetting rules, forgetting her past. Her only focus was on him and how positively good he made her feel.

Derek turned her around so he was dancing with the front of his body inches away from her back. He placed one hand on her hip and his other reached under the front of her blouse, his fingers resting lightly on the soft skin of her stomach. He heard Emily give a small whimper. Encouraged he stepped forward, pushing firmly against her body. She had to feel him, hard against her backside. She stiffened for a brief moment and then relaxed against him. After a few more beats of the music, she flung her arm up, placing her hand on the back of his neck. Derek bent his head and dropped a soft kiss to her neck. Emily closed her eyes and smiled. She was experiencing something she thought she'd lost forever: The ability to be close to someone.

Derek whispered in her ear, "You are so beautiful." At that, Emily spun around to face him. "Ok," she said. He raised his eyebrows at her, questioning what she meant. "I trust you," she had to shout over the music. As soon as the words left her mouth, her walls crumbled. It was that easy. She repeated the words again thrilling at the truth of them falling from her lips, "I trust you and I trust us."

Derek smiled at her. "You want to get out if here?"

Emily nodded and followed him out of the bar, fingers linked.

She stole a glance at Derek and quietly asked, "My place? It's closest."

Derek nodded and they moved to the curb to wait for a cab. He leaned down and whispered sheepishly, "In an effort to show you my commitment to 100% honesty, while hoping not to be presumptuous, I have to tell you that I don't have a condom. Do we need to stop on the way?"

Emily just stared at him. This really was going to happen. Maybe. If she didn't freak out first. Derek looked nervous, which was a look that she'd never seen on his face before and it was endearing. She reached her hand out to touch his cheek. "It's not necessary, unless you want to. We just had our yearly FBI physicals and I have an IUD. Getting a period is not actually conducive to field work."

Derek cleared his throat and nodded at her. A cab pulled up and he opened the door for Emily, then slid in next to her, linking their fingers again. Emily gave the driver her address. This all was becoming very real and she found herself shaking a little. _Oh, there you are, Panic, my old friend, _Emily thought. Butterflies were knocking around in her stomach and Derek kept stealing glances at her. When she looked at his face, the only phrase that came to mind was "Undressing me with his eyes." She tried to control her ragged breathing.

Derek tossed a ten at the cab driver when they pulled up in front of Emily's building and they both got out quickly. In the elevator, Derek slipped behind her and put his arms around her waist, planting a gentle kiss on her head, then smiled when she visibly shivered. Emily dared not utter a word, afraid that whatever came out of her mouth would put a stop to this.

By the time they reached her door, her hands were shaking so badly that she struggled with her key. Derek reached from behind her and helped unlock the door. They stepped inside and Emily dealt with the alarm system while Derek bolted the door behind them. Then he was standing in front of her, her back pressed against her entryway wall.

Derek took note that Emily actually looked frightened. What the hell had gone on in her life? This woman could take down a sociopath without batting an eye, but looked like she was going to fall apart at just the idea of this. He reached up and gently placed a hand on her cheek. "We still ok here?"

Emily could only nod. He stepped closer and wrapped his other arm around her waist. He planted feather light kisses on her forehead, her cheek, her ear, her neck. He slowly migrated up to her lips and whispered, "I'd never hurt you, Emily."

Her eyes stung with tears; she knew the truth of his words without a doubt. Derek Morgan could never hurt her. She took a deep breath and took control of her fear. "I know," she whispered back, then closed the distance and touched her lips to his.

The kiss went from gentle and hesitant to passionate to a fevered frenzy in seconds. The first time their tongues touched, Emily was in danger of actually falling down. Everywhere Derek's hands touched burned in a delicious way. She had never felt like this before, had never even thought feeling like this was possible for her. In that moment, she made a promise to herself: Whatever might happen tomorrow, tonight she was not going to stop this.


	4. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

_In the end, life scars us all. _

_- C W Gortner _

July 10, 2014

Hotch stood with the stack of pictures and started walking towards the kitchen. Rossi rose with him and asked, "Can I talk to you for a moment, Aaron?"

Hotch nodded and followed Rossi to his den.

"This is going to be a hell of a day, I'm sure. Embarrassing for all of us on some level, and devastating for Morgan and Prentiss. But, Hotch, don't dismiss the idea of Emily coming back just because of this," said Rossi.

"Dave, there are rules and they are there for a reason," said Hotch sternly.

"Those rules are in place because average people can't objectively work in the field together if they are involved. But if the timeline of those pictures is true, Morgan and Prentiss were effectively working in the field for years while being involved. Their work was some of the best, especially when they were partnered in the field together. Don't punish them for not being the average people those rules were designed for, Aaron."

"I'll think about it. Let's get started."

Hotch walked out of the den, Rossi following, and motioned to JJ and Reid in the dining room. He stood at the kitchen island and said, "Let me lay these out in date order before you look. I want first impressions, then we can start looking at details."

Hotch started blushing himself as he laid out the pictures. To say they were pornographic was an understatement. Collectively, little about Prentiss and Morgan's sex life was left to the imagination. Anger towards the bastard that had done this filled him and Hotch shook his head. His poor friends; they were going to be mortified when they found out.

"Ok, that's all of them. Take a look."

It only took a second for all of their faces to redden. Reid kept clearing his throat. None of this could ever be unseen.

"The unsub wanted to humiliate them," said JJ. "He must have taken thousands of pictures over the years, all of which could have conveyed the relationship, but he sent us the most graphic ones."

Rossi nodded, then JJ gasped. She lift up a photo dated October 1, 2011. It was a picture taken from a high side angle, Derek on top of Emily, hands linked above their heads, Em's legs wrapped around Derek's waist, her face towards the camera; she had clearly been crying. "This is my guest room. This was the night Rossi taught us to cook. Emily was staying with me for a couple of weeks until her apartment was ready and Derek showed up at my door late that night. This camera is inside my house!"

Reid picked up two pictures. "These are from inside Emily's old apartment, as well as many of the other ones."

Rossi pointed, "Derek's house. Most of these were taken from inside homes."

Hotch's mind worked frantically. "JJ, did anyone come into your home - a plumber, an electrician, anything – after Emily came back from Paris? She only stayed with you for a few weeks."

JJ thought and nodded, "Yes, we had the motion sensors on our alarm adjusted because they kept going off. That was right after Emily got there. Will was home when the company worked on the problem."

Hotch grimaced, "If our house alarms are the connection here, it could also be how he found out that Emily called me last week. We could all be under surveillance. JJ, call Will. Ask him what he remembers and see if he still has a receipt."

Hotch looked towards his other two profilers.

"Reid, Rossi? Any other thoughts?"

"They could make a killing in the porn industry," said Rossi. They all gave a nervous laugh and Penelope even joined in from the other room.

"There are very few pictures from when we were working cases, and they are all within driving distance from here." Reid pointed: "This was when we were in New York, the terrorist group. This was the night the ambulance blew up. It's taken from a distance, maybe from a building across the street. They probably weren't thinking about discretion that night, clearly." He cleared his throat.

"Only a few from cases, all of them in reasonable driving distance. This tells us he either doesn't have the money to fly or he was smart enough not to leave a trail like that for us to follow. Or that he didn't follow us." said Hotch.

Garcia piped up from the other room, "I don't think it's about money. You're talking about someone who likely installed some very expensive equipment in several homes, and who had the means to seemingly do nothing else with his life except follow someone for several years."

"Good point," said Hotch.

Rossi spoke up. "They tried to be discreet most of the time. We've had hundreds of cases in driving distance. There are only pictures here when the cases were particularly traumatizing or one of them was hurt or nearly killed." Rossi pointed to one of the only other non-sexual pictures. Derek and Emily were naked, his body wrapped around hers. You could clearly see the bandage on Emily's right arm. "After she was in the car accident," murmured Rossi.

Hotch nodded and turned towards the dining room. "Garcia, any luck on finding their address yet?"

"Almost there, sir," Garcia responded. "This is a small town rental company, but they use an online booking system for their guests and the security is surprisingly tight. I'll get in, though."

Rossi walked into the dining room and picked up his cell phone. He looked at Garcia's computer screen, found the phone number he was looking for, punched in the number and put the phone on speaker.

"Lake Mountain Realty. This is Jessica, how can I help you?"

"Jessica," Rossi said in a sad voice, "My name is Dave Prentiss. My sister, Emily Prentiss, is currently renting one of your vacation homes." He paused and inhaled shakily. "Jessica, there's been a terrible accident with our mother and I need to get in touch with Emily, but I lost the piece of paper with the information on the house she rented and I can't reach her on her cell phone."

"Oh, I'm so sorry, sir. There's no cell service up at the house she rented, but there is a landline. We usually don't give out the number, but this is a different circumstance. Let me just look it up. Your sister sure is a sweetheart. She was just in yesterday afternoon picking up the keys. Ok, here's the number: 540-331-2785. I hope you reach her and I'm sorry about what's happening."

"Thank you, Jessica." Rossi ended the call and grinned at a very quiet Garcia. "I was doing investigative work long before computers and the Internet. Remember that sometimes you can keep it simple," he said with a wink.


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

_We're captive on a carousel of time.  
We can't return, we can only look behind from where we came,  
And go round and round and round in the circle game.  
- Joni Mitchell_

September 2008 – March 2011

Question: How long would it take Emily Prentiss to go from a woman shaking in fear about the mere idea of having sex to a complete nymphomaniac?

Answer: 72 hours, if said sex partner was Derek Morgan.

The first time was beautiful. Emily had fought back nervousness bordering on petrified, and Derek had been gentle and slow and incredibly sweet. The second time, a few hours later had been more passionate and the fear was gone. The next morning when Derek had talked her out of her pajamas in the middle of her kitchen while she was trying to make breakfast, she acted like fucking on her kitchen bar was a regular occurrence. It had taken Derek Morgan exactly nine hours to undo a lifetime of repression. Nine hours.

Later that afternoon a case had taken them away and by the time they got home two days later, she thought she might die before she got him alone again. She actually said that to him when they were speed walking to their cars in the parking lot, "I am going to die if you don't fuck me soon."

Who was this woman? Emily wasn't sure, but she knew she liked that version of herself. A dam had broken inside of her, and it seemed to have an endless supply of water behind it. She couldn't get enough and he was happy to comply.

Then the complications came. Five months in, right in the middle when she was writhing and crying out his name, when he was staring at her face like love might be a palpable force and he'd be able to reach out with it and pull her to him forever, he said, "I am so in love with you, Emily Prentiss." And Emily told him she loved him, too, because she did. But after, as Derek drifted off to sleep, all she could think in her head was, _you don't even know me. _

Seven months in, they were in his bed, Derek laying behind her, his arm draped loosely around her middle and he mumbled against her neck, "We'd make amazing babies."

And the reality was they would, but they couldn't, because their relationship was a BIG SECRET, and neither one of them was willing to quit the BAU so that it could ever be anything more than a secret. On another level Emily knew they couldn't because, despite the love and despite the sex, she was really fucked up when it came to ideas of family and children. "By the way, Derek, there's this little boy living about thirty minutes away who I rescued from hell and who I love, but I can't see him much. You see, I fucked his dad as part of an assignment and helped raise the boy for a year. His father is still alive and he's a raving lunatic who would slice my throat on sight." Yeah, that wasn't a conversation that was about to happen.

Soon after that, the conversations about feeling guilty about all the lying started, and every time the word "lie" came out of Derek's mouth, it felt like a knife driving into Emily's gut. It's not that she didn't feel guilty about making up stories to bow out of social events with the team; she did. It was that his lies were so comparatively innocent to hers. So eight months in she started a conversation about maybe taking a break for a while, and though he was sad, he agreed.

The team hadn't noticed a blip. To them, Emily and Derek were friends before, and they were friends now. To Emily, though, she realized a break didn't change how she felt at all. It was like living in a sex deprivation chamber. But worse than that, it was denying herself love. She wasn't used to love, she may not have been very good at it, but she missed it. Desperately.

Two months later, Derek decided it would be a grand idea to put himself in the driver's seat of a huge ambulance bomb, literally. Garcia told Emily he came within a second of dying.

That night, Emily paced back and forth in her hotel room working herself into a frenzied state, waiting to hear the sound of Derek coming back to his room next door. Finally, after what seemed like a millennium, she heard the door one room over open and close. She held out for 10 seconds before grabbing her key and heading towards his room. Their thoughts must have been keeping pace with each other because Emily had barely placed a knuckle on his door when he opened it, dragged her inside and started kissing her.

She wasn't sure how it happened, but within seconds it seemed, their clothes were off and Derek stood before, pressing her naked body into the cool glass of his hotel window, his hand between her legs. Seconds to reach this point and then he kept her on the edge of orgasm for what felt like an eternity. She didn't care that they were still technically on a case, that this went well beyond the rules they had established, that two months ago they decided to stop this. All she could do was beg. "Please, Derek, please." Derek removed his hand and walked her towards the bed; his legs hit the edge and she crawled on top of him. She looked lovingly at his face, reached out and touched his lips and ran her finger down his neck, whispered, "You're alive," then sank down on him with a satisfied moan.

After, she didn't ask him to never put himself in such danger again, because she knew he would; that was his job and who he was. Instead they talked about different rules and better balance, more time joining the team for dinners and drinks instead of making so many excuses. Less lying, they agreed, might work better.

It did work for about a year. They were less frantic and settled into a mellower relationship that allowed them more than a life of just work and sex. Then Derek was being watched and given more responsibility at work and it all got to be too much. They flitted in and out of their relationship for another year, a year where they even entertained the idea of seeing other people, but eventually came to the conclusion that being with each other in whatever limited fashion they could manage was better than being alone or with anyone else.

Another several months of relative peace followed but was shattered when Emily found out Doyle had escaped. She ended things that time, with a sense of permanency, knowing for certain if Doyle found her and found out, he'd kill Derek without batting an eye.

A little over three years after they first slept together, Emily Prentiss found herself shaking in fear again, but for an entirely different reason.


	6. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

_But that intimacy of mutual embarrassment, in which each feels that the other is feeling something, having once existed, its effect is not to be done away with.  
- George Eliot_

July 10, 2014

JJ walked into the dining room as Rossi was ending his phone call with the rental company. "JJ, we have the number where Morgan and Prentiss are staying. I think you should make the call. You'll be the best person to give her this news," he gestured with his hands towards the kitchen island.

"Wait," said Garcia. "If Creeper Peeper was able to get a camera up there, I think we should assume that he had access to the place and the phone there is tapped."

"True," said Reid. "But I'm not sure it matters. Creeper Peeper, as you call him, knows Hotch has the pictures, assumes he's contacted us, and therefore knows we'll be trying to get in touch with Emily and Derek. He doesn't gain anything by having that confirmed over the phone."

Hotch nodded. Reid was right and they didn't have time to over-think things too much. "JJ, make the call."

JJ closed her eyes briefly. This was going to suck. She picked up her phone and dialed the number Garcia had written on a pad of paper.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Right there," Emily gasped.

Derek moaned and gripped her tighter, lifting her legs a bit higher around his waist, careful to keep his footing on the slick tile in the shower stall. The warm water pounded on his back as he pounded into her.

Emily's back was pressed firmly against the wall. She had her left arm wrapped around his neck and her right hand was gripped tightly to the top of the shower door, trying to support some of her weight and keep them anchored.

"You know, this kind of defeats the purpose," she gasped out teasingly.

Derek stopped moving for a moment and looked at her, confused.

"Of the shower," she continued. "To fuck in the shower, when the shower's purpose was to wash up after fucking in the bed," she said with a delicious grin.

Derek smiled at her and bent to latch on to her nipple. Emily moaned, "Not that I'm complaining," and Derek started moving again.

Several minutes later, they stepped out of the shower and dried off. Derek slung a towel around his waist and sank down on the toilet seat.

"Legs a little weak there?" Emily asked.

Derek scuffed out a laugh, "Just a little bit."

"Still up for a run?"

"You know that kind of defeats the purpose – to take a shower only to go for a run and get sweaty."

Emily smiled at him, "Yes, but then we'll get to shower again," and gave him a wink.

He laughed and followed her into the bedroom where they dressed in running clothes. Emily pulled her hair up in a messy ponytail and Derek stepped up behind her, planting kisses on the back of her neck.

"Keep that up and we're never going to get out of here."

"Mmmmm," he hummed against her skin, "That's ok with me." He turned Emily around in his arms and kissed her under her ear. "If a couple typically has sex four times a week, and I haven't seen you in twelve weeks, that means we need to have sex forty-eight times in the next five days."

Emily laughed. "Forty-three more times, then? We'll both be dead of a heart attack by Monday. Besides, we're soon going to have plenty of days to make up for lost time. And since when does the average couple have sex four times a week?"

"Princess, when have we ever been average about anything?"

"True," she responded with a smile. Derek ran the tips of his fingers over her ass and kissed her lips. Seconds later they were interrupted by the ringing telephone.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

The phone rang three times before someone picked up. JJ heard laughter and a muffled, "Stop it. It's probably the rental company checking in. Derek, I swear to God. Stop."

JJ couldn't help smiling at the relaxed tone of Emily's voice, and she felt wretched that she was going to be the one to bring this party to a screeching halt.

"Hello?"

"Em? It's JJ."

"JJ? Oh my god. JJ, what's wrong? How did you get this number? How did you even know I was _here_?"

There was a brief muffled sound and then Derek's voice came on the line. "JJ, is everyone ok?"

"Yes, we're all ok, but we need to talk to you guys. We're all here and I'm going to put you on speaker. That phone up there doesn't happen to have speaker capability, does it?"

"Yes, it does. Hang on." JJ heard a click and then Emily was back on. "What the hell is going on, JJ?"

"Before I start, in case we get disconnected, call me back on my personal cell. And, Morgan, don't use your Bureau phone for now, ok?"

"Got it," Morgan replied worriedly. "Now talk."

"Hotch received a package this morning. It contained about 50 pictures."

"Forty-seven," Reid chimed in, and then nibbled on the tip of his finger nervously when JJ shot him a glare.

"OK, forty-seven pictures. They were of you two. They track your relationship from the beginning. They are…graphic," she said quietly.

Emily hissed, "Are you fucking kidding me?"

"No, Em. I'm sorry. Most of the pictures were taken from inside your homes. And there was one from inside my guest room. We're investigating that angle now. We think our alarm systems are the connection."

"Son of a bitch," Morgan said loudly.

Hotch chimed in, "Morgan and Prentiss, we are treating this professionally, like any other case, but we're keeping it out of the FBI. We need you to leave there and get to Rossi's as quickly as possible. And we need you to be careful. We don't think you're in any danger since this has been going on for years and the unsub has never done anything physical. But the last picture was taken yesterday, of you two on the deck of that house you're in right now."

Emily moaned in despair. "JJ, take me off speaker for a second," she quietly demanded.

"OK, Em. It's just me on the line now."

"JJ, how graphic? How bad are these pictures?"

JJ paused briefly. "They're very graphic, Emily. I'm so sorry. But they're not bad. In fact, I'd say that they're romantic." Another pause, "I've never seen Hotch blush before today, so thank you for that."

Emily laughed a little, but then sniffled and sucked in a breath, clearly crying, "You've all seen them?" She whispered.

"Yes. Emily, it's going to be ok. Just get here and let's figure this out."

Derek spoke up, anger in his voice, "What angle was the picture on the deck taken from? I want to go out there and check it out before we leave. The whole back area is trees, so the unsub would have to be up high and pretty damn close to the house."

"At least the camera would have to be. Hang on a second," JJ said and walked back to the kitchen island to look at the picture. "OK, if you're standing with your back against the center of the French doors on the deck, the camera would have to be slightly above your height and about ten degrees to the left."

"Got it. I'm going to check this out, we'll throw our things in a bag and we'll be on our way. See you in a few hours."

"Drive safely."

JJ disconnected the phone and fell back in a chair, letting out a huff. "Poor Emily."

"It's Prentiss. She'll handle it," said Rossi in a matter-of-fact tone.

"OK, we've got about four hours until they get here and I want answers for them when they arrive," said Hotch.

JJ nodded. "Will's going to find the receipt from the alarm company and scan and email it to me. He remembers that the worker was a fit Caucasian man in his mid to late fifties, but that's about it. He and Henry mostly stayed in the living room playing. Will's going to go home now, to get the receipt and see if he can find the camera in that room. He said he'd call me back."

Reid was back at the pictures, "Look at this time-gap. There are forty-two pictures from 2007-2011, then only five between then and now. I guess that makes sense since Emily was in London. There's the picture at JJ's from October 2011, and then not another one until July 2012. That follows what you said, JJ, that you didn't think anything was going on that year. After that there's one on October 12, 2013. That's Emily's birthday. Then February 2014 at Morgan's house, that was the day after we rescued JJ, and then the one taken yesterday."

Reid picked up the picture from July 2012 and the one from October 2013 and walked into the dining room. "Garcia, I need you to look at these two. Sorry." He set the picture from July 2012 down. "Is this Emily's flat in London?"

"Oh my," said Garcia, looking at the picture. Emily was perched on a counter, shirt unbuttoned and no pants, and Derek was shirtless, bent over, his head between Emily's thighs. "Yes, it is. That was the last night we were there. I was out with some people I'd met. Emily called me and asked me what Derek and I were up to and I told her that Derek had headed back to her flat, but I was still out. She said she was heading home as well and would make dinner so we could all enjoy our last night there together. I came home a couple of hours later and Morgan and Emily were cooking."

She sighed and shook her head. "What is it, Garcia?" asked Hotch.

"They could have told me. Emily wasn't with the BAU anymore, so that wouldn't have mattered. We sat around that night talking and laughing and I didn't even have a clue."

JJ went over and placed a gentle hand on Garcia's shoulder. "They were very practiced at not telling anyone, Penelope. The only reason I knew was because Morgan reached his breaking point about Emily actually being alive while she happened to be staying at my house. Plus, if the timeline of the pictures are accurate, that time in London was the first time in almost a year. They probably didn't even know themselves what was going on or if there was anything to tell."

Garcia nodded and Reid took that picture away and replaced it with the one from Emily's birthday in 2013. "And this? Is this her bedroom in London?"

"No. She might have repainted and got new furniture since I was there, but this window is wrong. She doesn't have a window there."

Reid picked up the picture. "These two pictures are probably our best clues. We know at one point the unsub flew to London. We'll need to find out where this other one was taken to see if he flew somewhere else. Also, I find it doubtful that they didn't see each other for 14 months, so we need to figure that out, too."

Hotch nodded. "We're not going to bombard them with questions while they're driving. Reid, I need you to work a timeline. Write down what you remember about the dates from each of the pictures. When we get Prentiss and Morgan here, they are going to have to fill in the rest. We need to know if the unsub omitted pertinent dates, and if so, why?"

"Rossi and JJ, Morgan and Prentiss are our best bet to pick up any nuances in those pictures that we'd miss, but it's going to be brutally humiliating for them to do that. I want you to work an interview angle for them. You both know them well. We're going to have to walk and talk them through these pictures on some level. Talk about the best way to approach this so we're ready for when they arrive."

Garcia looked up from her computer screen. "Bingo! OK, there are six main alarm companies in our area. They each subcontract out their installers, and there's actually a lot of overlap with those employees. It's a needle in a haystack. However, I went back in JJ's phone records and I see they called the alarm company on September 30th. But then, here's where the strangeness starts. JJ said her motion sensors were going off and that's why she called, but when I pull up her account, it doesn't show the alarm was triggered around that time at all. And get this, Jayje. You dialed the alarm company, but then your call was rerouted to a different number – 540-685-4217. Creeper Peeper is a smart cookie. Skeevy, but smart.

Now, Derek uses a different alarm company, but I searched his phone records for the company number and I see he called it back on October 18th, 2007, the day after the infamous Emily Prentiss Can Dance revelation. And guess what, contestants?"

"That number was rerouted to the same number JJ's went to," said Hotch.

"Excellent! You win the prize, Boss Man! Now I took a look through Emily's old bills and other than learning that she charged an inordinate amount of money to Thai Palace, I also learned she used the Quantum Alarm Company. Same as JJ. No service calls that I can trace with her old numbers, but that alarm was installed on November 10th, 2006, approximately one week before Emily moved in there. So I'm thinking the concierge let the company in. And I'm willing to bet that Creeptastico himself was the installer. Unfortunately, that number gives me nothing. It's a burn phone, but I'll dig deeper."

"How would he reroute the calls like that?" asked Hotch.

"The same way he looped the video surveillance at your apartment building, from being inside the source, either physically or online. In this case the source was the alarm company. He would have to write a code so that when any one of Emily, Morgan's or JJ's numbers called their respective alarm companies, the call was rerouted. He probably did the same with your video surveillance, preprogrammed a way for the camera to automatically start looping at a certain day and time, which means he could have been in your building weeks ago or yesterday installing that virus.

Like I said, he's smart. And, Hotch, I doubt this is even close to his first rodeo. This guy was an expert by the time 2007 rolled around."


	7. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

_Be my friend, hold me_

_Wrap me up, unfold me_

_I am small and needy_

_Warm me up and breathe me. _

_- Sia_

October 1, 2011

It had been a fun cooking lesson and a great evening, but Emily sat with the team around Rossi's dining room table with mixed emotions. She was overjoyed to be back with her family, but uncomfortable at the same time. Garcia and Rossi were taking her rising from the dead the best, almost like nothing had ever happened. Reid was there and he was trying and she knew it would take time, but their friendship would ultimately be ok. And then there was Morgan. She felt his eyes on her more than usual, and when she looked at him he didn't back down, just stared until Emily looked away.

On the surface he was playing this light, saying he was just happy she was back. But she knew him, and she knew that underneath his outward emotions, he was trembling with anger and sadness directed towards her. She desperately wanted to fix this now, but knew it was beyond her control.

Garcia asked, "So, Em, when do you get to move into your new apartment?"

"Next weekend. Though I'm having so much fun with Henry it's going to be hard to leave JJ's" she smiled warmly at her friend. One positive that had come from the whole Doyle thing was how close she and JJ had become. It was like the sister Emily always longed for.

Morgan stood up abruptly and said, "This has been great, but I need to get going. Early morning tomorrow working at the brownstone in Georgetown. Thanks, Rossi. See you guys on Monday."

The team raised their eyebrows at Morgan's haste and JJ gave Emily a sympathetic look. Emily stood up. "Excuse me, I'll be right back."

She raced out the front door and called to Morgan's retreating form, "Derek! Derek, wait up a minute." He stopped and turned and Emily came to stand in front of him. She opened her mouth and struggled for words, finally settling on, "We promised each other, remember? Be honest with each other always and we'd be ok."

"I remember. Seven months ago, you were the one who forgot. And I know why you did it and I can rationalize it, but then sometimes I just get so hurt that you kept this from me and ran right into danger with Doyle. I would have helped you. I could have protected you," he said softly.

"He would have killed you in a second without hesitation. I couldn't...Derek, please. If the situation were reversed, you would have done the same thing. Why did me mentioning staying at JJ's upset you so much?"

Derek clenched his jaw and Emily saw him blinking back tears. "Because she knew you were alive and I didn't and part of me wants you at my house where I can make sure you're safe and ok, and part of me can barely look at you because..." He paused and looked away from her, inhaled deeply and looked back. "I can't do this right now. I'm glad you're here and alive, but I just have to get things sorted in my head."

"Ok," she said softly. She reached out and placed her hand on his chest. "But, please, when you're sorting this out, please remember I did what I thought I had to in order to protect you." She took a deep breath and continued, "Remember I love you." She reached up cupped his cheek lightly. Derek nodded against her hand, then turned to get in his car. Emily watched him pull out and slowly turned to walk back to the house.

Hotch was standing in the doorway when she returned to the house. She didn't know how much of that exchange he saw. He placed a gentle hand on her shoulder and said, "It's going to take some time." She nodded.

Shortly after, her and JJ headed home.

"You want to talk about it?"

"Not really. Not right now. But thank you."

They drove home in silence and found Will on the couch watching TV when they walked in the door. "Hey ladies. I was just about to start a movie."

"You guys go ahead. I think I'm just going to go to bed and read awhile. Goodnight." Emily walked down the hall to the guest room off the kitchen, sat down on the edge of the bed and started crying.

XXXXXX

Will and JJ were lightly dozing in front of the movie when JJ heard a soft knock at her front door. Will stirred at the noise, "What time is it?"

"11:30. What the hell?"

She got up and went to the door, looking through the peephole. Morgan. Sympathy filled her as she opened the door. "Morgan," she said softly, "It's late. Are you ok?"

"I'm sorry. I just really need to talk to Emily. I was going to call, but I can't do this over the phone. I've been driving around and I just...where is she?"

"I'm not sure this is such a good idea right now. I think she might even be asleep."

He shook his head at her. "JJ, where?"

JJ could feel the tension and sadness rolling off his body in waves. She sighed and pointed, "The door off the kitchen. But, Derek, she's been through a lot. Just, please, remember that."

He scuffed out, "Haven't we all?" and headed in the direction JJ pointed. Will came to stand by JJ at the door. "Everything ok?"

"I don't think so. This is hard on him, he's just been doing the best at faking it." She leaned into Will for comfort. "Why don't you head on up to bed," she said, "and I'll lock up down here."

"And eavesdrop?"

"No. I just want to make sure she has someone when he leaves. I don't know where he's at in his head."

"OK, but come to bed soon," he said, dropping a kiss on her lips.

"Soon, I promise."

XXXXXXX

Derek didn't even bother to knock. He'd spent the last two hours driving around working himself into a frenzied state, just letting the anger bubble to the surface. He opened the door to find Emily standing there in a tank top and pajama shorts, pulling back the covers to her bed. She spun upon hearing the door open and he was greeted with her puffy eyes and surprised look. "Jesus, Derek! What are you doing here right now? Are you ok?"

Derek closed the door and gritted through his teeth in a rather loud voice, "You fucked him for a profile. All that talk about how you couldn't get close or let yourself go or lose control. Was it because of what happened with him?"

Emily stepped towards Derek and nodded, feeling the tears welling up in her eyes again. "Yes. I had a job to do, and I hated myself a little more each day I was doing it. He terrified me and made me feel physically ill and I spent years after feeling like I would never be clean. And then that night happened with you and," she paused and took a shaky breath, "and I felt like maybe I could have something more in my life. That I could leave Lauren behind finally and just be Emily."

Derek clenched his jaw, ignoring her tears. "We've gone back and forth about ending things several times in the past five years and it always came down to feeling terrible lying to the people we cared about. All that talk about lying, and you were holding back the biggest lie of all."

Emily lowered her head, not able to look him in the eyes. "Everything we talked about was true. But it was because of Doyle, too. With you, after awhile I felt like I couldn't grasp onto anything anymore. I didn't find myself able to tell you about Doyle, and I couldn't be with you without you knowing any more. I was spiraling out of control. When I found out Doyle escaped, I had to end things in way that felt permanent. I knew I was probably as good as dead, and I didn't want you to be, too."

With that, she sobbed and looked up at Derek. She stepped towards him again and reached out her hand. "No!" He said. He reached towards her shoulders and pushed her up against the wall. Not roughly, but not gently either. He put one hand against the wall on the side of her head, and the other went to the top of her tank. "The medical report said he branded you on your chest. Where?" He dragged his fingers under the neckline, pulled down and searching.

"I had it removed. When I was in Paris, I found the best plastic surgeon and got rid of it. I couldn't have that on me anymore."

"Where?"

Emily pulled down her tank top slightly and pointed. "Here. See how the skin color is different? It was here."

To her surprise, Derek leaned forward and gently dropped his lips to that spot, causing Emily to gasp. Derek sank to his knees and lifted the bottom of her tank top. He took a deep breath when he revealed the scar from where Doyle stabbed her with the stake, pressed his lips on the spot and whispered, "I thought I watched you bleed to death."

Gingerly she reached a hand down and ran it across the top of his head. "I know. If it had been you, I would have fallen apart."

"I did. I still feel like I'm falling apart."

After a few moments, Derek rose suddenly, his eyes burning into hers. "Where else? Where else did he hurt you?"

"Just bruises and cuts. A couple of broken ribs, but no other scars."

Derek sighed and leaned his forehead against hers, placing his hands lightly on her ribs. She reached her hands out to touch his chest.

"Any other secrets like this out there that I should know about?"

"No."

"Do you still feel like you can be Emily with me?"

Emily was silent for several beats, sucking in shuddering breaths.

"Derek, I don't even know who that is anymore."

"But I do."

He kissed a path down from her forehead to her cheek, to her lips. Emily allowed herself to indulge in the kiss for a moment, and didn't resist when he deepened it. But after a minute, she pulled her head back and pushed against him.

"We can't. Derek, you have no idea how badly I want to, but we can't. Regardless of Doyle, we couldn't stand living a lie with the people we cared most about. I have no energy for lies left in me."

Derek sighed. "I need to feel you alive around me. I need to know that with me you can still let down your walls." He moved his hands and ran them through her hair. "I need to know you're mine, even if you can't really be."

Blinking back tears Emily nodded. She couldn't deny this man, not now. He descended on her mouth and moved his hands to the waistband of her shorts, moaning at the feel of her skin. This was a gift, something neither thought they'd feel again. "We have to be quiet," she whispered.

Derek nodded against the side of her neck, moved his hands down to cup her ass, and lifted. He carried Emily to the bed and laid her down gently. Leaning over her, he ran his finger over her lips and down her neck. "You're alive," he whispered reverently.

XXXXXXXX

He held her gently against his chest, drawing lazy circles with his hands on her back.

"So, it's nice to know that despite all of these ups and downs and changes, the sex is still amazing."

Emily laughed against his skin. "The best. But Derek..."

He placed a finger on her lips, "I know, Em."

Emily raised herself up on an elbow so she could look him in the eyes. She placed a hand gently on his cheek.

"I'm not sure you do know and I want you to understand. Being with Doyle left me feeling like a ghost of myself. When that assignment was over, I could hardly look at myself in the mirror and I spent two years floundering. I couldn't stand anyone to touch me and I wouldn't let anyone get close to me.

Then I started at the BAU and almost from the start, you were the person that made me think that maybe I could have a friend again. We grew as a team and I realized after a few months that I was actually happy. But in the back of my head I was still fearful. Fearful that someone would find out about Doyle, but mostly fearful that he would find out that Lauren Reynolds was in fact very much alive, and that he'd find me, torture me and kill me. So I was Emily, but because Doyle was still alive, there was a part of me that was Lauren, the woman I loathed. And she was always there in the back of my head.

That first time with you…Derek I didn't even know I was capable of feeling like that. And we could go months together and I'd forget about Lauren Reynolds, but then one of us would bring up feeling badly about lying and every time you said 'lie,' all I could think about was how I was holding back from you something critical, and Lauren would come to the surface in my head. So we'd end things for a bit, and I'd run away emotionally and try and put myself back together, and when I felt like I had done that, I could come back to you.

Now I'm here, and Doyle is dead, and I'm really in a place to let the Lauren Reynolds part of me go and be free of that. But it's going to take time for me to get my footing, and I need to figure out how to do that on my own."

Emily paused and reached for Derek's hand, placing a gentle kiss on his knuckles. "And then, maybe, if you get to a place where you can truly forgive me and I reach a place where I've figured out who I am now, maybe we can be together and that time it will be forever."

Derek brought a hand to her face and touched Emily's lips, then leaned in to gently kiss her. "Ok, I didn't understand, but I think I do now. And you're right, I do have to forgive you before we can have anything genuine, and it's going to take time. Maybe we can try and dial it back to the beginning and rebuild our friendship first?"

She smiled at him. "It's a good place to start."

He wrapped her in a warm hug. She felt him solidly around her and a huge amount of pressure lifted from her chest. She may not know exactly who she was anymore, but knew it would be much easier to figure it out with his support.

He pulled away from her and started reaching for his clothes. "I should let you get some sleep."

"And you, too, Derek. You sleep too. I'm here and I can promise you this: I'll never leave again without talking to you first."

He placed his hands on either side of her face. "I believe you, Em."

"Let me throw on my pajamas and walk you out so I can lock up."

XXXXXXXX

At the door, Derek turned and pulled her in for another quick hug.

Emily said, "Text me tomorrow if you want some help in Georgetown. It's been too long since I got to knock down walls with the great Derek Morgan."

Derek chuckled warmly, planted a kiss on her forehead, released her and walked away. Emily closed the door with a sigh and locked it, turning around to find JJ sitting on the stairs with wide eyes.

"Are you ok, Emily?"

"Yes, actually. The most ok I've been since I got back. How much of that did you hear?"

"Enough to think that maybe I'm not that great of a profiler, or you two are just really good at hiding your feelings. And I also learned that the door to our guestroom is for shit."

Emily laughed and went to sit next to her friend on the steps.

"We were really good at hiding it, and it was exhausting."

"When?"

"We've stopped and started throughout the years. The first time was about a year after I started at the BAU. The last time we ended it was when I found out Doyle escaped. We hated lying to the people we cared about most, and I hated lying to him about my past. "

"And tonight?"

Emily sighed, "We both needed a reminder that I was alive."

JJ put a comforting hand on Emily's back.

"It's not going to continue. I've got to put myself back together, and I can't live with lies anymore."

"Em, if you're denying yourself a relationship with someone you love, you're living a lie, too."

Emily rested her head against JJ's shoulder. "It's an easier lie to live with for now."


	8. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

_Watching, she had felt unusually and keenly alive, alive the way a knife is sharp, so that the humiliation she was enduring was perfect, like the paring of skin from a hard apple._

_- Sonya Hartnett_

July 10, 2014

Will sent a copy of the work receipt over from the alarm company. The employee name on the bottom was Jack Finch, and of course no Jack Finch had ever worked for the alarm company.

Will had also sent a picture of the camera he pulled out of the motion sensor installed in that bedroom. Very small, very difficult to see unless you were looking for it and incredibly expensive. It had a wireless receiver that was larger, but embedded in the wall behind the ceiling molding, so it went undetected. "This is not something you find at your average spy shop, my fine friends," she'd told the team. Tracing the camera would be impossible.

Whoever the unsub was, he knew how to cover his tracks and remain hidden.

Rossi and Reid had run out to pick up food for a late lunch and Hotch had stepped outside to wait for Morgan and Prentiss. JJ was back at the kitchen island looking at some of the pictures.

"You're going to burn in the fiery depths of hell if you keep staring at our friends fucking like bunnies," Garcia called out in a sing-song voice.

JJ laughed. "I actually am trying to figure something out. I feel like I'm missing something."

Garcia stood up and came to stand in the doorway. "Does your husband know you've been staring at Derek Morgan's naked glory all day?"

"Not yet. Anyway, it's Emily I can't stop looking at."

Garcia raised her eyebrows, "I always had a feeling about you two."

JJ laughed again. "That's not what I mean. I mean her face and how free she looks. She's always been so guarded, and with him, she just seems able to let it go. I wouldn't really believe it unless I saw it, and now that I've seen it, I can't stop looking."

She paused and looked at Penelope. "I know you're dying to sneak a peak Penelope. If you're going to do it, do it now before they get here."

Garcia stared at the pictures from a distance for a full minute before finally caving. "OK, just a quick look. God, it's so awful but so delicious." She approached the island and glanced at the photos. "Holy shit, Jayje."

"I know, right?"

Garcia placed a gentle finger on one of the pictures. "Look how he's looking at her, like he'd die without her. I should have known. After her funeral he was a terrible mess and I was worried about him. I went completely covert operations one Saturday, borrowed Kevin's car and followed him. You know where he went?"

JJ shook her head.

"To her grave. He'd brought a blanket and a beer and a book. He sat there and read to her grave for an hour."

JJ blinked back tears. "Does he know you saw him?"

"No. And I don't want him to know. If he wants to talk about it, it's his business."

They both looked at the pictures a moment more. Garcia gave a deep sigh. "At first I was really mad that Morgan hadn't told me about this. But now I'm looking at this and how in love they are, and it's hard to stay mad at him. Whatever they did, they did it for a reason."

At that moment, Reid and Rossi returned, laden with food bags, and Garcia jumped away from the photos like they were on fire.

"They're here," Rossi said. "They pulled in behind us. Hotch is talking to them for a minute and then they'll be in. You ready to walk them through this, JJ?"

JJ took a deep breath and nodded. Garcia scurried back to her computer, then stood by the door, then sat again.

Reid looked at her, "I've read a lot of books about appropriate reactions in certain social situations, but I've never read exactly how people should react to their friends after spending the majority of the day looking at pictures of them having sex."

JJ, Rossi and Garcia all started laughing quietly, then quickly calmed themselves when they heard steps on the front porch.

Hotch opened the door and gestured Morgan and Prentiss inside. Morgan came in trying to look stoic, but the team could read his tension. Emily wasn't even trying to hide anything. Dressed in running shorts, a tank top, and a ponytail, she looked so young and frightened. She was also blushing to the roots of here hair.

They all stared at each other for a few seconds, no one quite sure what to say. Garcia saved the day. "Emily, Emily, Emily! You're here!" She wrapped Em in a strong hug and said, "See, this isn't going to be so bad. I've seen a lot of Emily tata today and, while they are fabulous, when I look at you all I see is my friend!"

Emily actually laughed at that and warmly returned the hug. JJ was caught up in the moment and joined in. When Emily was released, Rossi came over and squeezed her shoulder. "It's great to see you, Emily."

Reid stood back, blushing almost as much as Emily. She looked at him and gave him a kind smile. "I don't bite, Reid." He smiled back at that and came close enough to give Emily a quick hug.

"Ok," Morgan said, "This is an awkward reunion, but I'm glad we're all here and safe. Hotch let us know where you're at. This is the camera I found in the tree. It was connected to a modem that the unsub connected to the landline at the house. I took pictures of the connection so you can see Penelope." He handed Garcia his cell phone then leaned in to ask her quietly, "We ok, Baby Girl?" Garcia gave her friend a hug and said, "Absolutely."

"OK," said Morgan, linking his fingers with Emily's, "Let's do this."

"JJ," Hotch said, indicating that she should take the lead.

JJ nodded and pulled her shoulders up straight, trying to mask her nervousness. "The pictures are laid out chronologically. It's going to be shocking when you first see them, but this is the fastest way to get a first impression. We'll go from there."

She led the way into the kitchen, Emily and Morgan following her, Hotch and Rossi behind them. Reid hung back and stood in the doorway, and Garcia sat back down at her computer.

"Oh. My. God," gasped Emily after one quick glance at the display. "I don't know if I can do this." She turned her back to the refrigerator and slid down to the floor, putting her face in her hands. Derek went to crouch in front of her and put a comforting hand on her knee. "Come on, Em. Let's figure this thing out. At first glance, I'd say we look damn good."

Emily huffed out a nervous laugh and Derek stood, offering her a hand. After a few seconds, she took it and stood. "We can do this," he said. "First impressions, Profiler."

Emily took a deep breath and looked at the pictures. If she could see past her mortification, Derek was right; they looked good together. Emily reached a finger out to gently touch the photo from JJ's house. The night she thought all was lost and she realized that maybe she could fight her way to get it back. It was a long journey that took her away from him, but they'd made it back to each other.

"The timeline is right," said Derek. "This isn't every time, but it's an accurate representation of when we were together and when we weren't."

"What about other cases where we would have flown somewhere and you two…" Reid trailed off, not quite able to say the words.

"We kept this out of work most of the time," he said, looking at Hotch. He turned back to Reid, "Once in LA and once in Arizona. But that's it."

"So he didn't fly with us on cases, or he didn't want us to know he had. Or there wasn't a way for him to see anything," said Reid.

"We can disregard the last option," said Rossi. "Because this picture," he said picking up the one where Emily had been in the car crash, "was taken from inside a hotel room. If he wanted to see something, he could. We need to operate under that assumption."

Derek placed his hand on Emily's back. "What do you see, Em?"

She glanced again and kept finding her eyes drawn to that first picture of them dancing.

Emily blushed again before she spoke. "The first one. Why that picture? The second picture was in my apartment, the next morning before we left for work, so the cameras were there already. So why send such a relatively innocent picture from that first night?"

"She's right," Derek said, laying a finger on the second picture. "I went home after that to change for work and my alarm was malfunctioning. I called the company who said they'd send someone right out. I called Hotch to say I'd be late. This third photo is from a few nights later, at my house."

"Do you have any recollection of the man who came to work on your alarm?" asked Hotch.

"I didn't spend much time with him. I let him in, and then went to my office to do paperwork. He was Caucasian, muscular, about my height, mid 50s maybe. He was there for about an hour. That's all I can tell you."

"That fits the general description of the person who worked on JJ's alarm, and the person my neighbor saw dropping the package at my door. It's vague, but I think we can assume this is all the same person." Hotch looked at his team and they all nodded in agreement.

"Prentiss, I know it's not much to go on, but does that description set off any alarm bells?"

Emily shook her head. "Not off hand."

Reid stepped forward and picked up the picture from October 2013. "Where was this taken?" Emily closed her eyes as Reid held up the picture.

"Scotland," said Morgan. "Emily was at a conference, she stayed longer and I flew out for a couple of days."

"So the room was booked well in advance. Morgan when did you decide you were going?"

"It was planned a few months before that."

"So plenty of time for the unsub to get cameras in that room. Ok, what about the time gap from July 2012 to October 2013? Anything glaringly missing?"

"Yes," Emily said. "We were able to meet up at a cabin that belonged to an old friend of mine in Vermont. That was in February 2013. It was planned at the last minute. Other than that there were a few short, last-minute times we saw each other. They were probably too brief for the unsub to get there."

Emily looked down when Hotch raised his eyebrows at her. Derek responded, "Do you really need to know about that if it's not relevant?"

Hotch said, "At this point I think everything is relevant."

Morgan thought he had been keeping it together pretty well, but he'd been doing that for Emily's sake. Now his anger surfaced. He was pissed at whoever had done this, and it was unfortunate that that feeling rose to the surface at that moment. He started counting on his fingers as he spoke harshly, "March 2013 in a storage room in an airplane hangar when our work flight times overlapped by about an hour at Dulles. June 2013 in New York. We were supposed to meet for a quick dinner before Emily had to fly back to London, and ended up in the restaurant bathroom instead. August 2013…"

Emily stood there, stunned and rooted to the spot, when Derek first started speaking, but when he said August 2013 she snapped out of it and quickly moved in front of him, reaching a hand up to cover his mouth.

"Whoa, there. I think they get the idea." Emily could feel Morgan's anger vibrating underneath the surface and she put a gentle hand on his shoulder. "We're not going to get anywhere if we get angry. And, Jesus, Derek, we've got so few secrets left, let's leave the ones we do have in the vault, ok?"

Derek laughed at that, took a deep breath and relaxed a bit, nodding his head at her.

Emily turned around and faced the others. Looking at Hotch she said, "We tried to see each other when we could. The turn around time was always quick because I was here for a short meeting, and half the time it didn't work out because you all were on a case. Most of our communication that year was video chats and talking on the phone. Now, please, we want to help, but I can't do it like this," Emily said while gesturing to the pictures laid out.

JJ stepped in and placed a gentle hand on Emily's back. "Ok. How about you take the pictures from your apartment and Derek takes the ones from his house and you look through them separately."

Emily nodded and JJ and Rossi started gathering and separating the pictures. "What about the ones from other places?" asked Reid.

"Leave them for now," said Rossi. He handed Emily the stack of pictures from her place. "Come on. We can go in the living room and sit down."

Emily reached over and grabbed the picture of her and Derek dancing that was left on the island. She gently laid her hand on it. It was a beautiful picture.

Rossi put a hand on Emily's back. "There's always something special about the first of anything, right?" Emily smiled warmly at Rossi, remembering the conversation from a few years back. "Yes, there is."

Derek settled himself in a recliner with his pictures and Emily sat on the couch. Rossi settled in the other chair and JJ took a seat next to Emily. "Just flip through them. What do you notice? What strikes you as odd?" she asked.

Emily started looking through the photos. Her embarrassment waned as she sat in comparative privacy on the couch. What struck her as odd is how fucking happy she looked in every picture from the very beginning. She did not look like the floundering, self-possessed person who couldn't decide whether or not she liked herself. That inner struggle she plagued herself with was not evident on her face at all. What she saw was a woman who was radiant with this man, and obviously in love.

"What, Emily?" asked JJ.

She shook her head. "It's nothing."

Derek was completely absorbed in his stack of pictures. He flipped to one and gave a devilish grin and a light chuckle.

"Damn it, Morgan. Stop that," commanded Emily.

"Ooooh, Morgan." He looked at JJ and Rossi, "When she calls me Morgan, I know I'm in trouble."

He grinned at Emily, "Sorry, Princess. I was just remembering my birthday from a few years back."

"Keep that up and you won't live to see the next birthday, Derek Morgan."

Rossi and JJ laughed, relieved that the mood had become a little lighter.

Emily blushed again, remembering that birthday. She'd spent quite a bit of money at a sex shop, buying a ridiculous outfit and some toys. Jesus. It was an amazing night, but incredibly private.

Suddenly Emily sat up and gasped. She frantically flipped through her stack of pictures and found February 14, 2010. There they were, naked on her couch, Derek lying on top of her, kissing her, their wine and dessert on the coffee table.

"Derek, show me the picture from your birthday." He held it up and she blushed again, but it wasn't as bad as it could be. He was standing against a wall in his living room, his fingers wound in her hair and she was on her knees, the picture showed her back. It was very clear what she was doing, but it wasn't terribly graphic.

"Bring the pictures back to the kitchen and lay them out," she said to Derek. Emily stood and everyone followed. Hotch reappeared with Reid and Garcia.

"Ok," said Emily, "So these pictures are embarrassing. They could potentially ruin our careers, and this has certainly been the most humiliating day of my life, but they are _not_ as bad as they could be, not by a long shot."

Derek caught on. "She's right. We were so caught up in how shocking they were collectively that we didn't see it at first. This picture," he indicated the one from his birthday, "This is nothing compared to the pictures the unsub could have printed, Hotch."

"This one, too, Derek," Emily said and pointed to the February 14th photo over to him. It was actually a breathtakingly romantic picture, with very little exposed. But Emily thought about what started to transpire just a little after that picture was taken and she blushed redder than she ever had before.

JJ raised her eyebrows in question at Emily, curious about what wasn't shown in that picture. "It's never gonna happen, my friend," Emily said to her, and the group laughed.

JJ started sifting through the pictures. "That's what I was missing." She pulled four pictures forward. "Look here. There are clearly two camera angles in Emily's bedroom. But in each of these pictures, the angle printed is the most discrete one."

Reid reached over and picked up a picture. "JJ's right. If this picture was captured by the camera on the other side of the room, we'd get quite an eyeful." He stared a moment more and then Emily plucked the photo out of his hands, "I think that's quite enough eye candy for you today, Boy Wonder," which caused the group to laugh again and Reid to blush almost as red as Emily.

"It just doesn't make sense," said Rossi. "If the goal was to humiliate, why not send the absolutely most graphic pictures? If the goal was to sabotage your careers, the graphic nature and volume of the pictures wouldn't have been necessary."

"Unless this person has become truly obsessed and is angry at Emily for wanting to come back to DC to be with Morgan," said Reid. "The graphic pictures could have been an anger response, but he could be holding back the most vivid images for himself."

"Which means there is a chance that he is a danger to you both. That Emily coming back is the stressor, and that these pictures are probably not his end game," said Hotch grimly.


	9. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

_Memory and forgetfulness are as life and death to one another. To live is to remember and to remember is to live. To die is to forget and to forget is to die.  
-Samuel Butler_

July 22, 2012

Emily rode the elevator up to her flat feeling nervous. Penelope and Derek had been staying with her a week, and Derek had been a great friend, almost back to how it was in the beginning, but that's all he had been. He was acting like they had no romantic past, and Emily had the distinct feeling he was doing that because he thought she wanted him to behave that way. Emily found herself longing for a meaningful conversation at the very least, but the week had wasted away without the opportunity presenting itself. She looked at her watch; it was 4:30 and Garcia told her she would be home around 7:00. Now was her chance, though she didn't know how to start the conversation she wanted to have.

The lift opened and she walked to her door, unlocking it.

"Derek?" she called out.

"In here," he responded.

Emily went down her hallway and found Derek sitting on her bed, a framed picture in his hand.

"Snooping, Morgan?" she asked with a teasing voice. She recognized the picture he was looking at immediately. One day off they decided to go to the beach, and at a certain point when they were walking along the boardwalk, Derek impulsively asked a random woman to take their picture. He handed the woman his phone, grabbed Emily tightly around the waist and pulled them cheek to cheek. The woman snapped the picture when they both had these ridiculously huge smiles on their face. Emily loved it.

"I was just looking in your nightstand drawers for batteries for your TV remote. I couldn't find any out there." Derek looked up at her and back down at the picture. "This was a great day."

Emily nodded, "It was. I had it printed when I moved here, and it's always on my nightstand. I only moved it to the drawer because Garcia was here."

Derek sighed, "I'm confused, Em. I thought the whole reason you came here was to get away from us and start over, but you're sleeping with this picture next to your bed. And why would it matter if Garcia saw it at this point?"

Well, this was one way to start a meaningful conversation. Emily walked over and took the picture from him, placing it back in her nightstand drawer, then reached for his hand. "Let's go open a bottle of wine and talk," she said.

Emily released Derek's hand and walked to her bar, uncorked a bottle of Pinot and took down two glasses. She poured them and then went to Derek and handed him one. He looked comfortable enough leaning against the kitchen counter, so Emily followed suit and leaned against the counter opposite him.

"I didn't leave to start over. I left to regroup and figure myself out, and to find the space I needed to let go of the things I needed to let go of. But you were never part of that plan, Derek. You're the part that I want to hold onto."

Derek opened his mouth to speak, but Emily put up her hand signaling that she wanted to continue first. "I'm not saying that you have to hold on, too. I'm here and you're in Virginia and it's wildly unfair of me to ask you to wait, or to ask anything of you, really. But I'm holding on. You're one of the few threads of sanity and strength I have when I feel overwhelmed by my new job, or when I'm sad or lonely. Or when I'm working through the painful parts of my past." She paused and nodded at him, letting him know she was done for the moment.

"Are you working through the painful parts of your past?" he asked.

"Yes, slowly. I've found a therapist I trust, and because Doyle is dead and I'm not working for the BAU anymore, I'm in a position where I can be almost completely honest in therapy, honest enough to work through the feelings. It's helping, though I was scared shitless the first time I started talking about all of it."

"Do you talk about me in therapy?"

Emily laughed, "Frequently my therapist has to remind me to shut up about you. She says, 'Remember, this isn't the Derek Morgan Adoration Hour.' She's a hoot and I really like her. But it's slow work."

"Em," Derek sighed, "I miss you."

"I miss you, too. Everyday. But this is where I need to be right now. As far as Garcia seeing that picture goes, I want you to know that I spent the better part of five years wanting to stand on my desk and shout out to the whole bullpen that I was in love with Derek Morgan. But for her to see it now would mean admitting to years of sneaking around, and I'm just not ready to do that."

Derek set down his wine glass and stepped forward, wrapping Emily in a warm hug. "I'm holding on, too, Em." She nodded against his shoulder, then turned her head and kissed his cheek softly. Derek pulled back and looked at her for a moment, then pressed his lips to hers. Emily felt his tongue touch her bottom lip and opened her mouth to him. He brought his hands up to tangle in her hair and deepened the kiss even further. They pulled away after several moments, sucking in much needed air.

"Is this ok?" he asked.

Emily nodded. "Are you sure it's ok with you?"

"Are you kidding me? It's been almost ten months. We didn't even go that long when you were dead," he said with a laugh, and Emily smiled at him.

Derek reached his hands out and unbuttoned Emily's blouse, pulling the fabric to the sides. He leaned forward and showered gentle kissed on the skin above her bra and Emily sighed in satisfaction.

"It seems wrong of me to drag you along on this emotional roller coaster ride," said Emily.

Derek kissed her neck and whispered in her ear. "It's not a roller coaster ride, Em. It's more like a labyrinth. There are twists and turns and sometimes we get lost, but we're both inside it. We just have to hang in there until we find the middle together."


	10. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

_Your perspective on life comes from the cage you were held captive in.  
-Shannon L. Alder_

July 10, 2014

"Ok," said Garcia. "I think I finally have something here, or at least some connections.

Jack Finch was the alias used when JJ's alarm was serviced, and was also the alias used for the person who installed your original alarm in DC, Emily. I had to spend an excruciating amount of time listening to your old apartment manager yammer on about her cats before she finally pulled that file for me. Just so you all know, Chester is finally using the litter box.

Jamie Kincaid installed Hotch's alarm. A Jamie Kincaid also flew to London about a week before you did, Emily, and installed the alarm at your flat.

One Charles Murry installed my alarm. It's a relatively common name, but it's spelled without an "A". That makes it slightly less common. And a man by the same name flew to Scotland two days before your conference last October.

So there you have it. I'm reasonably certain our unsub is the same man who used those three aliases: Jack Finch, Jamie Kincaid and Charles Murry."

Garcia looked up and saw Emily sitting there, stunned and pale. "Oh my God, Em," said Derek.

"What?" asked JJ.

"Those are characters in Emily's three favorite childhood books. _To Kill a Mockingbird, A Wrinkle in Time, and From The Mixed Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler."  
_  
Derek stood up and walked to squat in front of Emily. "Em, who knew about those books besides me?"

Emily stared at Derek for a few seconds, then whispered, "Jacob."

"Who's Jacob?" asked Hotch.

Emily shook her head, trying to clear it. "Jacob Hawthorne. He was my cousin. His mother was killed in a car accident and he came to live with us when we were in Pakistan. I was about five, and Jacob was fourteen. He was a genius who had been homeschooled all of his life and didn't have much of a childhood. He was already massive and muscular when I met him. He was part playmate for me, part tutor, part bodyguard and part brother. We were inseparable until I was twelve, when one morning I woke up and he was gone. He introduced me to those books. He called me Scout and I called him Jem, from _To Kill a Mockingbird_. He was the one warm part in my otherwise very cold upbringing, Derek. Jacob Hawthorne would never do this."

"Emily," said Hotch softly, "There's a strong possibility that he did do this. The aliases are too convenient. How would this unsub know about characters from your favorite books when you were a child?"

Garcia had been typing while they were talking. These alias passports have been used since the mid-80s and he got around to some pretty questionable places. South Korea, a lot of trips to Mexico, South Africa, Cuba, Columbia…He's got to have many more aliases out there. You don't just use the same three for that long."

"Garcia, can you pull a passport photo?" asked Rossi.

"I've already broken eleventy-billion laws today, so what's one more? Passport photos are going to be hard. I can get in for maybe a minute without the big guns descending upon us. Let me see."

"Emily, how come you never told me about Jacob?" asked Derek.

Emily reached out and grabbed his hand. "My childhood is a field of land mines. I've been working through it in therapy, but I've never talked details about it with anyone until just this past year. I'm just used to not talking about it. I told you it was very unpleasant with little affection, and that is an understatement, but sharing details is hard for me."

They waited quietly while Garcia typed. "No you don't, you little bastard," she mumbled. "Come to Mama, Mr. Hawthorne. Ok got one, now hang on while I get out of here and cover my tracks," Garcia murmured.

"Sometimes I think she's more deadly than all of us put together," said Rossi.

"You got that right," Garcia said. "OK. This one was taken five years ago and I'm pretty certain he's the man who installed my alarm." She turned her laptop around.

Morgan stood up and took a look. "I'm pretty sure this is the man who worked on my alarm, too." He unplugged the laptop and carried it to Emily. "Em," he said softly, "is this Jacob?"

Emily looked at the computer and touched the face she saw there. "He's obviously much older than when I last saw him," she whispered, "but that's him."

"Why did he leave, Emily?" Asked JJ. Then more quietly, "Did he ever do anything that would cause you to question his behavior? Was he ever inappropriate with you?"

"No," she hissed vehemently.

"Emily," said Rossi, "You know how the mind works sometimes, and what it can bury to protect itself."

"No," said Emily again. "All I can think of when I think of him is an immense amount of love and trust. One morning he was just gone, and I never heard from him again. I tried searching for him several times, but could never find him."

"Can you go back, Em? Can you go back to the last time you saw him?"

Emily thought for a few moments and nodded. "Ok." She looked around the room and caught JJ's eye. She trusted JJ to do this, and her voice would calm her. "JJ? Can you do this?"

JJ stood up and pulled a chair over in front of Emily. She sat down and gave Emily's knee a gentle squeeze. "You know how this works. Relax and close your eyes and go back to that day."

Emily closed her eyes and conjured up the memories she buried so long ago.

"Where are you Emily?" asked JJ.

"I'm in my bedroom at our new apartment in Italy. It's my first day at my new school."

"That's good. What do you hear?"

"Bells from a church. It's five o'clock." Emily tilts her head to the left. "My window is open. It's hot outside."

"What do you smell?"

"Food, from the kitchen. The cook is making dinner downstairs. I run to the window and think about climbing out. Dinner is in thirty minutes and I'm not supposed to be crying."

Emily touched her cheeks while sitting in the recliner at Rossi's. "How did it get so late? My uniform is a mess and I know Mother will be mad. I look out the open window, trying to see if there is a way for me to climb down. I want to run away. If mother sees that I've been crying, she'll paddle me."

Emily turned her head to the right. "My door opens. It's Jacob."

_Oh, Jacob. It was awful. The kids teased me all day. One girl kept trying to put her hand down my blouse to see if I was stuffing my bra. They threw their lunch at me. The boys tripped me. It's almost dinnertime and Mother will be furious about my blouse and about me crying._

"Jacob came and sat next me and hugged me."

_I'm so sorry, Scout. Let's get you cleaned up. There's plenty of time before dinner. _

"Jacob brought me to the bathroom. He washed my bloody knees and gave me a wet cloth for my face. He went back in my room and brought me a clean blouse, then left while I changed. When I came out of the bathroom, Jacob bent down in front of me.

_Remember this, Scout: You are spectacular. When people see you, they know that. People who know they can't hold a candle to you are going to say and do harmful things. It will get better when you're older and you can get away from this place. This is just your journey right now, and you have to go through it. In a few years, you'll have a lifetime of happiness in front of you, I promise.  
_  
Emily gasped and looked to the side again. "My mother is in the doorway."

_Jacob, the girl doesn't need you to coddle her. _

_She had a hard day, Mrs. Prentiss.  
_  
"My mother is furious. You don't talk back to her. Her lips are in a thin line and her eyes are narrow. She rushes in and grabs me by my hair, throwing me to the ground and away from Jacob."

_No girl ever rode to the top on a mountain of tears, Jacob! She needs to get over it. Stop crying, Emily! No one is worth your tears. People are cruel and the sooner you learn to accept that, the better off you'll be!  
_  
"My mother grabs Jacob by his collar while she yells at me. Jacob is angry. He's had enough with my mother."

_Emily's special. She'll never be cold like you!  
_  
"Jacob is reaching out his hand to me. My mother yells for the house staff. Two security men show up and help her drag Jacob from the room. Jacob shouts, _Remember what I said, Scout. _I hear my door close and the outside lock click. I hear them struggle, and then there is silence. A few minutes later, I hear footsteps. My mother is back. She unlocks the door. She has the paddle in her hand."

_You have 10 minutes to get yourself together, Emily. _

"She waves the paddle at me, then closes the door again. Jacob isn't at dinner, and I never see him again."

JJ inhaled, realizing she'd been holding her breath. "Ok, Emily," she said softly, "We're can stop now." The BAU team sat in shock. JJ, Penelope, Reid and Morgan had tears in their eyes; Rossi and Hotch didn't look that far behind. Emily sat in her chair with tears falling down her face. She opened her eyes and took a deep breath. "I told you. Jacob was the only good thing about my childhood," said Emily sadly. "He would never do this."

Derek stood up and put his hand on Emily's cheek. "The facts, though, Em, point to him."

Emily brushed the tears from her cheek, stood up and went to the kitchen. She started laying out the pictures in date order again. The others followed and reached in to help. "These tell a story. They could ruin my career, but the story isn't heinous; the pictures could have been much worse."

Emily turned and looked at the group. "Once you get over the shock of these pictures, what's the first thing you notice?"

"Your expressions," said JJ quietly. "No one could doubt how you feel about each other."

"Right," said Emily. "You don't see the sex, you see the expressions. And like Garcia said, it sounds like he must have dozens more aliases, so why use these three only for me. He wants me to find him, but what's he trying to say?"

"One scenario is of an unsub who is a sexual sadist who is obsessed with you, Emily, and that he's not trying to say anything. He held back the more graphic pictures for himself, and maybe that just is the way you and Morgan always look at each other." said Hotch.

"And the other scenario is a total fucking mystery," said Rossi. "There are too any inconsistencies to come up with a possible second scenario. If he's not sadistically obsessed with Emily, then what?"

"We need an address, Garcia," said Hotch.

"I'm trying. He's really, really good."


	11. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

_Perhaps every terrible thing is in its being something that needs our love.  
- Rainer Maria Rilke _

September 12, 2012

Emily walked slowly out of her therapy session and headed towards her flat. It was a beautiful Saturday in London and she was feeling particularly inspired by the conversation she just had. She had spent her time talking about actually _not_ letting go of some things, and instead on how to shape bad memories into good ones.

"Emily," Dr. Adams had said, "You're not going to be able to forget everything. You're not going to just be able to let go and never have some of your more difficult memories resurface. The key is to know what to do when that happens. Also, you can be proactive about taking the bad memories and shaping them into something good and positive."

"I'm sorry, I'm not sure what you mean."

Dr. Adams smiled at Emily kindly. "You've already done that in many ways, you just don't realize it. Your sexual relationship with Ian was traumatic and you thought you'd never recover from it, but you were able to start a relationship with Derek and not let those bad memories take control."

"But I did let them take control. I was the one who would stop things with Derek and run away to regroup," said Emily.

"Yes, but you came back. And you're working hard to get back now. I'm here to help you learn to strengthen your armor, so you don't have to run away when the bad memories surface. We're out of time for today, but this week I want you to think about memories of yours that upset you and that you are having a difficult time letting go of, and figure out if there are any ways to shape them into something positive."

As Emily walked, she thought about two sad memories that were linked in her mind and that she just couldn't shake. Was there a way to shape them into something positive? She smiled to herself when an idea popped in her head. Instead of heading to her flat, she turned at the next corner and headed to the bookstore. She almost selected _To Kill a Mockinbird,_ but that book seemed a little too much for her to start with, at least in her own heart. Instead she selected her second favorite book.

Emily made two other stops, carefully choosing her items, before heading towards the shipping center. She selected a box, laid the items inside, and then grabbed a blank note card from counter and wrote,

_To help us hold on.  
Love, Em_

She went to the counter and paid for two-day air, then grabbed her phone to send Derek a text.

"Just sent you a package. When it arrives, Skype me so I can see you open it. Should be there by Tuesday."

A quick text came back. "I love surprises! Looking forward to Tuesday."

Derek's Skype call didn't come until Wednesday because there was a case. It was late, but Emily had been waiting up. She was in her pajamas on her couch, her laptop on the coffee table in front of her. She leaned forward to answer his call and there he was.

"Hi," she said, smiling at the sight of him. Derek smiled back and said, "Hi, yourself. So I have the package here. Can I open it now?"

Emily laughed at his eagerness. "Of course. Go for it."

She watched Derek's face as he opened the box. He smiled when he picked up the note card and read what she'd written. Then he looked inside and pulled out the items: A copy of _A Wrinkle in Time_, a fuzzy throw blanket and a bottle opener with an infinity symbol at the top of it.

Derek looked at Emily, intrigued but confused. Emily cleared her throat nervously and said, "I tear up every time I think about you reading at my grave. And I find myself thinking about it a lot, every time I read a book, or even walk past certain books. Dr. Adams and I were talking about how to reshape painful memories into positive ones, and I wanted to start here, if you're up for it."

Derek looked at her thoughtfully and didn't say anything, so Emily continued talking nervously. Perhaps this had been a bad idea. "The bottle opener is in place of a beer. I couldn't ship beer, but I figure you'd have some at your house. I have mine here. And I also have a matching blanket," she said, lifting the warm material up so he could see it in the camera. She held up her copy of the book. "_A Wrinkle in Time _is one of my childhood favorites…" She trailed off.

"Emily," said Derek softly, catching on, "I love this idea."

Emily smiled brightly. "You do? Oh, I'm so glad. I figure we can take turns reading to each other and when we finish this book, you could choose the next one, and we could just trade off like that. I know we can't do this often because of work, but whenever we can."

"Hang on a second, Em." Derek got up and walked away from the computer, but came back moments later. "OK, cracking open my beer." Derek settled the blanket around him and picked up the book. "You start reading first."

"Ok, but don't laugh." Emily reached over onto the coffee table and grabbed her reading glasses, putting them on.

"Glasses?"

"The eyes are getting old, apparently. They're awful, aren't they?"

"Hell, no. I like them. You'd win any sexy librarian contest hands down."

Emily laughed happily, opened the book and started to read. "It was a dark and stormy night…"


	12. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

_The greatest enemy of any one of our truths may be the rest of our truths.  
- William James_

July 10, 2014

Garcia's hands were flying over her laptop keyboard and the others gathered back around the dining room table, finally eating the food Rossi and Reid had brought back a couple hours before. Emily was still visibly shaken by her revelations about Jacob and her mother, but she was holding it together. Their conversations focused, of course, on Jacob.

"We're talking about a tremendous amount of surveillance and data storage, if all of us were being monitored via our alarm systems. If Jacob heard me talking to Emily about coming back to the BAU and we have these pictures, that's tens of thousands of hours of video and audio surveillance." asked Hotch.

"Not quite, kind sir," said Garcia, never stopping her typing. "The focus here was Emily. The video cameras didn't go into JJ's house until Emily was staying there, and Will only found the one in the motion sensor in your guest room. So I think the video surveillance was mostly just Derek and Emily's houses, with a few small exceptions, and he only cared about looking at the video if Emily was there, so that's one location per day or session. If you scan through twenty-four hours of tape at 5X speed, only slowing down when you see what you're looking for, you could make it through a day in a little over four hours. Scan faster, and it's even less time. Remove the times when Emily is at work, and you're down to scanning video for maybe an hour a day at most."

"What about the audio, though?" asked Reid.

"Same way he did it with the alarm company. It would be hard to bug an FBI or Interpol phone and count on it to stay reliable, but it's easy to find our phone numbers. If he was able to write a code that impacted your alarm systems so a recording device clicked on when a particular number called any other particular number, you're not talking about many hours of recordings to go through," said Garcia.

"How could he do that? Make it so a recording device clicked on via the alarm system when someone made a call?" asked Hotch.

"It's a tangled world-wide web, Captain, but it's all connected. You just have to know how to unravel the web, and put it back together to your liking. And this guy is a pro at it," said Garcia.

"So what you're saying is that it's not likely we were all under surveillance all of the time," said JJ.

"Correctamundo," said Garcia. "Thank Buddha for that. You think those pictures are bad, my saucy little friends?" she asked while looking at Derek and Emily. "Think of what he would have seen and heard in my apartment!" She smiled at her friends while everyone laughed.

"Garcia, are you getting closer to an address?"

"Have I ever let you down, Boss Man? No, I have not, because I am the perfect woman. Jack Finch has a residence at 135 Fern Road in Fairfax."

"Are you sure that's our guy?" asked Derek.

"Moderately sure. I went back through everything and the addresses used on the passports were fakes, but then I thought about that burn phone he routed the alarm companies to. I tracked that phone back to the store where he purchased it, which was a small electronics store in Fairfax. I found the time the phone was sold, then hacked into a nearby street camera feed and went back through their data to that day around that time. It's definitely Jacob Hawthorne coming out of that store. He walks off down the block and I can follow him for about three blocks on the cameras before I lose him, but Fern Road is only two more blocks away and one Jack Finch does live there."

Garcia took a breath and looked at the team. "It sounds flimsy, I know, but then I did a little more sleuthing and the amount of bandwidth going in and out of that house is on par with my office at the BAU. What are the odds that there is another Jack Finch using that much wireless juice that lives within four blocks of the store where the mystery burn phone was purchased?"

"We're going with it," said Hotch as he stood.

"Wait a minute, Aaron. We can't just go blazing in there. We can't question this man as FBI agents, and we certainly can't point a gun at him or arrest him," said Rossi. "Unless we want to go to the FBI, show them the pictures and open a case."

Hotch sat back down. "Ideas?"

"No guns," said Emily firmly. "You guys are not going in there with guns. You are also not going to be the one breaking in any door if it comes to that. So far only one career in the BAU is on the line today and we are keeping it that way. And Derek," she paused to turn to him, "You will keep your hands to yourself. I know you are pissed and are just doing a great job of controlling it, but I know you'll probably lose it when you see Jacob. You are not going to pounce on him.

I still maintain that Jacob will not hurt me. There's something here we are missing, but I don't believe it's as nefarious as your worst-case scenarios. I'll concede that it's possible he snapped and got obsessive, but this all just doesn't add up. So we are going to get some answers, we are going to take any data files he might have, and we are going to make sure he knows that this stops now. But there will be no guns, and at least for today no police reports and no arrests."

"Oh, there you are Agent Prentiss. It's great to see you," said Garcia with a smile and Emily smiled back.

Derek stood up and said, "I understand, Em, but we need to make sure we're all safe, too. Rossi, you have a couple personal pieces here?"

Rossi nodded.

"You feel comfortable carrying into Hawthorne's house?"

"I've done my fair share of rogue investigations," he said with an affirmative shrug.

"Emily, you ok with that? Two guns go in, one with you and one with Rossi."

Emily stared at Rossi. "Can you keep it together? How pissed off are you about all of this?"

"How pissed off could I possibly be? I've had stellar pornography on my kitchen counter all day," he said with a smirk and a wink. "Seriously, Emily. I'm mad that this guy violated you both in this way, and I think Jacob is probably a very disturbed individual, but I don't think his end game is violence. I can stay calm. So let's go talk to him."

Everyone rose. "Garcia," said Hotch, "you're coming with us. We're going to need you on the computer end."

They all squeezed in to Rossi's suburban, Emily sitting in the front passenger seat. The sun was setting and it was a relatively quiet drive, Emily the most pensive of all. But at one point she turned around and looked at Hotch, who was sitting with his typical unreadable expression.

"I just want you to know that I was going to tell you," said Emily. "On Tuesday, when I was scheduled to come in, I was going to tell you about me and Derek and let you make the call about me coming back. I knew the chances were slim and I know they are probably non-existent now, but I want you to know that I wasn't planning to hide it from you. I don't want to spend another moment living a lie."

Hotch stared at her for a few moments and the car was absolutely silent. He gave a slight smile and an affirmative nod. "I appreciate that. Let's get through this and see where we end up."

Emily nodded.

"Will you stay in London if you don't come back to the BAU, Emily?" asked Reid.

Emily turned her head again and smiled at her friend. "No. I am unemployed as of August 1st. I already bought a house in Alexandria. I know the contractor who worked on it personally," she said with a smile at Derek. "This is my home and I'm ready to come back."

Everyone smiled happily, even Hotch, and Derek reached up from the seat behind her and squeezed her shoulder.

An hour later they pulled up in front of Jacob's house. The house was remodeled and modern, but small. That would make it easier. "Reid, stay in the car with Garcia until we give you the all clear," said Hotch.

Emily turned to Hotch, "You should stay in the car, too, until we clear the place. It's one thing for your agents to be going rogue; it's another thing all together for the director of a unit to do that. Think of your career, Hotch. Please." Hotch nodded in resignation and sat back down in the vehicle.

The rest made their way to the front porch. Emily raised her fist to knock on the door when they all heard an audible click that sounded like a bolt in a door. A second click and the door opened, but there was no one on the other side. "What the hell?" asked Rossi.

"He's not trying to keep us out. That could be really good, or really, really bad," said JJ.

Emily pushed open the door further and peered inside. Everything was tidy and comfortable in the living room at the front of the house. It looked empty. Emily took point with her gun and entered, followed by Morgan and JJ. Rossi and his gun brought up the rear. They quickly cleared the living room, bedroom, bathroom and kitchen.

They gathered at a door in the kitchen and opened it, staring down the steps to the basement. It was well-lit down there, and as soon as they opened the door, they could hear the hum of computer equipment. Emily started down the stairs and found herself looking at a single, square room. There was no one down there. Computer equipment lined one side of the wall and the desk faced out into the rest of the room. Against the remaining three walls there was a large couch, a loveseat and two armchairs. And above those were pictures. Hundreds of pictures hung in perfect symmetry.

Rossi dialed Hotch and gave the all clear for them to enter.

"The door opened for us. Where the hell did he go?" asked Morgan.

JJ looked bewildered and then said, "Morgan, look," pointing at Emily. Emily stood facing the farthest wall, gun hanging down by her side, staring at the sea of framed 4x6 pictures. Derek walked over to her and put a protective hand on her back, trying to absorb and analyze what he was seeing. Rossi and JJ joined them in silence, and a few moments later they heard the rest of the team on the stairs.

Everyone gathered in the space at the center of the room and stared for a few moments, trying to take it all in. All of the pictures featured Emily, but these were not the more detailed sex pictures. These were clothed, innocent and astoundingly captured the essence of Emily Prentiss through various stations of her life. They were date-stamped like the pictures Hotch received, and the earliest started on the left wall in the upper corner. If you stood back, you could see Emily's whole life laid out in pictures.

"Em?" asked Derek quietly. "How are you doing in that head of yours, my love?"

Emily just shook her head and went back to stand in front of the earliest pictures. Garcia quietly stepped over to the computer and started typing. The others stood back and followed Emily's lead, letting her stay quiet until she was ready to share her thoughts. This was a lot to take in.

Finally she pointed at the first picture of an absolutely adorable raven-haired girl in pigtails, smiling brightly at the camera and holding up a book. "That's Christmas 1975. Jacob gave me that book as a present: The Velveteen Rabbit. That's the first Christmas he was with us."

Her eyes traveled down the wall. She pointed again, "My mother was furious with me. We were in India at the time and I desperately wanted to ride an elephant. My mother didn't think that was dignified, but Jacob took me when my mother was away on business. We only got caught because someone who knew my mother saw us and mentioned it to her. I couldn't sit comfortably for about two days after she got her hands on me, but it was worth it."

The picture showed a smiling Emily of eight years old sitting in front of a much younger Jacob Hawthorne in a saddle on an elephant.

Emily's eyes filled with tears and she turned to Derek. "I don't have any of these pictures. These were all taken with Jacob's camera and he took it all with him when he left." She wearily leaned her forehead against Derek's chest. "I don't have a single picture from my childhood where I'm smiling like this, with genuine happiness."

Derek placed his hands on her upper arms and bent forward to kiss her head. "You will now, Em. We'll take them with us, I promise."

Emily took a deep breath and nodded, then turned again walking along the wall looking. "That's the last one from when he lived with us. It was the last day of summer vacation and we went to the park to read."

"And then this is where it gets weird," said JJ.

Emily nodded. The next picture of her was when she was sixteen, a junior in high school, after they'd returned to the US. Her father was home more and conceded when Emily begged to go to regular public school, much to her mother's dismay. Her parents were sent on an assignment later that year and Emily talked them into letting her stay behind, with a live-in assistant, so she could stay in school. She took the opportunity to rebel. In the picture she was sitting alone on a bench, looking off in the distance, thick makeup, cigarette in hand.

There were regular pictures of her throughout high school, college, and the early parts of her career; consistently two a year, one each summer and one each winter. Next there was a time gap of about two years, from 1995-1997.

"Why the time gap?" asked Hotch.

Emily shrugged. "No reason I can think of on my end. Maybe it was on his end and he couldn't follow me at that time."

The next time gap occurred in 2004. "Doyle," said Morgan bitterly. Emily nodded. The pictures picked up in frequency after that, in 2006 when she started with the BAU. There was no rhyme or reason to the pattern. Sometimes there were several pictures from one month and some months there were none at all, but still a dozen or more total from each year. There was a marked difference in Emily's expressions in those pictures; she looked happier. Everyone realized this and Hotch stepped forward and patted Emily's back, "One of the best career decisions I ever made, letting you on the team."

There was a picture of her out at a bar, laughing with JJ and Garcia, another of her and Derek sitting comfortably on her couch, smiling at each other. Her and Derek at the farmer's market, at the beach, at a restaurant. Emily reached her hand out and touched a picture of her sitting on her couch, wrapped in a blanket, a book open on her lap and Derek smiling at her from the other side of her laptop screen where it sat across from her.

Emily scanned the wall again and gasped, pointing at one of the pictures. May 2, 2011. Emily looked nothing like herself. She was sitting on a bench in a park; her eyes were red-rimmed and had dark circles under them. Everything about her looked devastated and defeated, from the shape of her mouth, to the way she held her shoulders. "He found me in Paris."

Reid stepped forward and looked at the picture. "I'm so sorry, Emily. You tried to explain to me that you were a mess, too, during that time, and I didn't appreciate what you went through. I'm sorry."

Emily reached over and gave his hand a gentle squeeze. "It's really ok. We've got to let that one go, Reid."

"Garcia, have you found anything?" asked Hotch.

"No. What the fuck? Excuse me, sir, but, seriously, what the fuck? I see his code here for the surveillance. I can get in right now to Derek's house and see his cameras, for instance, but that's a pointless waste of time. No videos, no pictures. OK, wait a minute. What is this file and why does it have so many layers of protection?"

"The videos?" asked JJ.

"I don't think so, it's a small file size for video, but it's protected like Fort Knox. Give me a minute."

Emily walked back to the beginning of the photographs and stared for a few minutes. "He surrounded himself with authentic and innocent pictures of me, most of them happy ones. Why would he do that, then send us the pictures he did, and not have any of the more graphic pictures on his computer or up here on the wall?" She gestured to the pictures around the room, "Does this look like someone who wanted to hurt me?"

"It looks like someone obsessed at the very least," responded JJ softly.

Emily glanced around the room again, thinking. Suddenly she moaned, "Oh my God."

"What is it, Emily?" asked Rossi. Emily held up her hand to them, asking them to be quiet.

She took a step back and surveyed the room and walked to the wall with the most recent pictures. She walked back over to the stairs and looked up into the kitchen, then came back to that wall, looking closely at the seams between the wallboard. Emily turned her head to look in the upper right corner of the room where a red light was blinking.

"The first picture of us dancing was a gift, an apology," Emily stated. "He did this, but he didn't want to."

At that moment Garcia let out a gasp. "Holy shitballs. It's a long document. It's a report of your daily activity, Emily, starting with your first day at the BAU. The pictures are in here; a short daily report and then one picture from each day, starting with your first day with us. It looks like when we traveled he just mentioned where we were, but there were no pictures. Hang on here." Garcia scrolled through the file quickly. "Here it is. A picture of your funeral and a one line report: 'Coffin empty.' And then another report in May: 'Finally located Emily. She is in Paris and she is safe. No contact information for her.'

Emily nodded like none of what Garcia said surprised her, and turned again to look at the camera in the corner. "It's ok, Jacob. You can come out now. I understand what's going on, and we need to talk."

The team looked shocked and stepped back as the wall pushed forward and slid open in front of them, revealing a small room filled with even more computer equipment. Jacob Hawthorne stood at the threshold. "Scout," he whispered. He stepped forward and the team tensed as he wrapped Emily in a hug. Derek rushed forward to place a protective hand on Emily's back.

Emily was torn. This was her Jem. But this was also a man who had done something terrible and she needed to know his part in it. She gingerly patted his back with one hand and then stepped away from him.

"How long have you been working for my mother?" asked Emily.


	13. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

_How often have I lain beneath rain on a strange roof, thinking of home.  
- William Faulkner_

March 7, 2014

Emily sat patiently in Easter's office late that Friday evening, waiting for him to get back from a meeting. Her thoughts traveled to a few weeks prior. JJ had gone to the hospital and been checked out and they all took a collective sigh of deep relief that she was, in fact, ok and even could be released from the hospital that night. Emily had wrapped her friend in a warm embrace and made plans for everyone to get together the next day before she flew back to London. She left the hospital with Derek under the pretense that he would drive her to her hotel, but they headed for his house instead, their hands linked.

Both of them were emotionally exhausted, but unable to pass on an opportunity to touch each other and feel alive. They made love languidly, with quiet sighs and soft kisses. After, Emily lay with her head on Derek's chest, his arm around her and her hand on his heart, feeling the steady beat of it.

"Life is short, Em," he whispered.

"I know. I'm so glad everyone is safe. I'm so glad I was able to come here and help. It felt really good to be back with the team, even though the circumstances were horrific."

"I agree, but that's not exactly what I mean," he said. "What I mean is that I don't want to get to my end and realize that I only ever got to partially love you."

Emily was quiet for several moments, letting his words sink in, before she whispered, "Me, too."

They had drifted off to sleep and Derek had to go in to work early the next morning. Emily spent the day in deep thought and was coming to the decision that it was time to leave London. She realized that finding her footing was not some feeling that was just going to come to her; finding her footing was a choice. Before she wasn't able to make that choice and now she was. Being out with the team that evening before her flight had strengthened the idea in her mind that she was no longer in the right place. She wanted to come home.

Easter was on an extended business trip and he hadn't returned to London until that day. He walked in from his meeting and saw Emily sitting in the chair opposite his desk. He looked Emily over for a few seconds and said, "This doesn't look good for me."

She grinned briefly at him. He could read her pretty well, but only because she was letting him. She was working really hard on letting her guard down enough so that her posture and facial expressions matched her moods and thoughts. It was exhausting work, but she felt like a genuine person for the first time in her life. No more masks. No more lies.

"I am resigning," she said. "This has been a wonderful opportunity for me and I appreciate you trusting me to run this office, but this isn't the place for me anymore and I want to go home."

Easter raised his eyebrows, "Back to Washington? Did you get another job offer?"

"No, nothing like that. I currently don't know what I'll do, but whatever it is, I want to be doing it there. It's where I belong."

"Thinking of going back to the BAU?" he asked.

Emily shook her head and took a deep breath. Letting go of the secrecy surrounding her and Derek's relationship was something else she was working on. "There's currently not a position open, and even if there was, I don't think Hotch would let me back on the team since I'm in a relationship with Morgan."

Easter raised his eyebrows, "Derek Morgan? How long has that been going on?"

Emily released another deep breath, "Since 2007, with the exception of few breaks here and there, some longer than others."

"Seven years? My, my, aren't you a woman of mystery? Well, my dear Emily, I can see in your eyes that there's no chance of me changing your mind. You'll stay on long enough to help train a replacement? Andrews can probably handle it, but he's going to need ample time to shadow you and learn the ropes. I don't want this place to fall apart and I can't be here much right now. Can you give me six months?"

Emily's heart sank at the length of time he suggested. "Three months?" she asked hopefully.

Easter smiled at her warmly. "Can we settle on four, and I can try to arrange things so I'm here more by the end of summer to pick up any slack?"

Emily nodded and stood. "Four months, then. Thank you for understanding."

"To be perfectly honest, my dear, I never thought I'd get to keep you here for long. I'll arrange for you and I to meet with Andrews first thing Monday morning. It's 8:00 on a Friday night. Get out of here and enjoy your weekend. I'm back now and can handle anything emergent that comes up the next couple of days."

Emily walked out of his office and into her own. Now that the decision was made and she knew exactly when she could move back, she wanted to tell Morgan, and she wanted to do it in person. She picked up her phone to text him.

"Saw on CNN that you guys caught the serial rapist in Milwaukee this morning. You home now?"

"At the office, but about done. Ready for some sleep."

"Any weekend plans?"

"I have the weekend off as long as the bad guys take it off, too. Going to be working at the house in Alexandria starting bright and early tomorrow morning. It's supposed to be unseasonably warm weather and I want to get out and work in the yard. Want to read tomorrow night?"

"Absolutely, my love."

"My love. I like that. Talk to you tomorrow, my love."

Emily turned to her laptop and started typing. She hoped there would still be a seat left on a flight tomorrow morning, and there was, leaving at 9:00am. With the time change, she could be in Alexandria by 2:00pm. She smiled and bought the ticket.

Last fall Derek had shared the real estate listing of the house he'd purchased in Alexandria. It had gone into foreclosure and the owners trashed the place before finally being evicted. Derek had worked on it steadily and the last pictures he'd sent Emily were impressive. It was a beautiful house in a nice neighborhood, close to a cluster of quaint shops and a farmer's market.

At 2:15 on Saturday, Emily parked her rental car in front of the house. She exited the car and was happy to see his car in the driveway. She heard music playing softly in the backyard. The side gate was open and she walked down the pathway quietly, excitement building in her with each step. She reached the edge of the house and peeked. Derek's back was to her and he was kneeling in the dirt, digging up weeds in the flowerbed along the back fence.

Heart thrumming at the thrill of a surprise, Emily casually leaned against the side of the house, placed a hand in her pocket and said loud enough to be heard over the music, "I hear gardening is pretty cathartic."

Derek stood quickly and spun around, pure shock on his face for an instant before the biggest smile she'd ever seen lit up his face. He rushed over and lifted her, embracing her in a tight hug. He chanted her name in between kisses he dropped on her neck and cheek and finally her lips. Emily returned the passionate kiss with pure joy filling her heart.

Derek set her back on the ground and gripped her hands. "What are you doing here? I didn't think I was going to get to see you until July." Emily looked down at her worn jeans and t-shirt and back up at him and said, "I came to help you work in the garden."

At that Derek laughed and said, "That's amazing! Let me show you the place, first. How long are you here?"

"I fly back tomorrow morning at 9:00. Easter is finally back and is covering any emergencies this weekend, so I decided to surprise you."

"The best surprise ever in my life, Em, but dropping that much money on a last minute plane ticket for less than 24 hours here? You're crazy, but amazing," he said happily.

"Worth every penny, Mr. Morgan."

Derek held her hand and took her from room to room in the cozy two-story house. He showed her the kitchen he'd remodeled, the large sunny living room, the half bathroom and small office downstairs. Upstairs were two bedrooms and two bathrooms and a perfect reading nook overlooking the street. That had been Emily's favorite part of the house when he'd shared with her the latest pictures of the place.

The tour ended back in the kitchen, where Derek grabbed a beer from the fridge and handed her one as well. They couldn't stop smiling at each other, the surprise of Emily showing up still pulsing through them.

"It doesn't look like there's much left to do. You worked fast, Derek."

"I'm good, Em, but I'm not that good. I wanted to sell this place by summer, so I contracted out some of the work. It was a hell of a deal for the neighborhood, but still much more money than I typically spend on these things."

Emily nodded, her heart speeding up again as she prepared to share her news.

"So, you think it will be on the market by July?"

"There's not much left to do. I'm hoping to be ready by the first week of June."

"That's good. Then I can definitely close escrow by the end of July, before I'm unemployed and homeless."

It took about five seemingly endless seconds for the meaning of her words to sink in, and then another five seconds for a multitude of emotions to cross his face before he stepped forward, sunk to his knees in front of her and wrapped his arms around her waist, burying his head against her stomach and laughing joyfully. "I lied," he mumbled against her. "This is the best surprise ever in my life."

Emily sunk to her knees to join him, pressed her lips to his gently and whispered, "I am so in love with you, Derek Morgan." Another radiant smile lit up his face and he leaned back and pulled on her waist, settling himself in a seated position with his back against the kitchen pantry door and Emily sitting on his lap.

"Tell me everything," said Derek as he planted gentle kisses on Emily's collarbone.

"I started thinking about it the day after I was last here, and it built over the next couple of weeks. I wanted to tell Easter in person, so I waited until he was back in his office yesterday evening. Then I booked a flight and came here to tell you. I'm sticking around Interpol for the next four months to help train my replacement and then I'm coming home."

"Home," Derek repeated contentedly. "I'll tell Hotch I want to switch my vacation days from the beginning of July to the end so I can help you move," said Derek.

"Let's not do that. I thought about it on the flight out here and I want that time with you at the cabin. It will be our last secret get-away before the cover is blown on this delicious little love affair of ours," she smiled at him teasingly. "The cabin is beautiful and I want to share it with you. I'm more than capable of moving on my own if you have to work. I've moved plenty before."

"Ok," agreed Derek. "What about work? What are you going to do?"

Emily shrugged without a care. "There are plenty of options for me. I've been so career-driven my whole life and I'm just not anymore. I mean, I want a career, but it's not worrisome for me to think of not having something lined up before I move."

Derek nodded and pulled her in for another searing kiss, sliding his hands up and under her shirt and running his fingers along her ribcage and back. Emily reached down and grabbed the hem of his t-shirt, breaking their kiss as she pulled it up and off him. She let her hands wander appreciatively over the skin on his chest. "And we can tell people?" asked Derek.

"I am definitely ready to stand up and shout that I love Derek Morgan and I want everyone to know. But can we wait until after our trip in July? I don't care if you want to tell your family, but I'd like to be with you when we tell the team. I need some time to figure out if returning to the FBI is even an option for me once people know; the ever-evolving rules regarding fraternization being what they are. It's going to depend on which units have openings."

"Sounds good," said Derek. "The cabin, the waiting to tell people until you move, it's all fine with me." He looked around him and then up at the ceiling. "It's a pretty big space for one person," he said in a hopeful tone.

"I know. I'm hoping I won't be living in it alone for long, but I think I'd like to actually try having a regular relationship for a few months first with no secrets. I'd love to live with you, but given all of the ups and downs, I don't want to rush things too much. This is going to be a whole different ballgame, not having to hide anymore."

Derek stared at her, the hint of concern on his face. She cupped his face with both hands and said, "Don't be worried. I _am_ ready to be in the center of the labyrinth with you, I promise. I have never been so sure about anything in my life."


	14. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

"_Many of those who are humiliated are not humble. Some react to humiliation with anger, others with patience, and others with freedom. The first are culpable, the next harmless, the last just."  
_― _Bernard of Clairvaux_

July 10, 2014

"How long have you been working for my mother?" asked Emily.

"What!?" asked Hotch.

"That first picture never made any sense. If Jacob had been working alone, he would have had no reason to make that picture so innocent. My mother is the only common connection and I can tell by the look on your face, Jacob, that I'm right," said Emily.

"I knew you and your friends would follow the clues, find me and figure it out, Scout. I planned on that."

"How long, Jacob?" asked Emily bitterly.

"Why don't we all sit down? It's a very long story." Jacob chose one of the sitting chairs and stared at the group. "Sit, please. I mean you no harm. I know you don't know me, but I feel like I know you and I know Emily loves you all. I would never hurt you. And Penelope, dear, you can stop typing. I've no doubt you can get into anything I have on my computers eventually, but there's no need; you've done enough good work today, and I will give you all anything you want."

Penelope removed her hands from the keyboard and stared at Jacob. Emily took a deep breath and sat down on the edge of the couch so she was directly across from Jacob, placing her gun on the arm of the couch. The other team members followed her lead and took seats as well, Derek dropping down next to Emily and reaching for her hand.

Hotch commanded, "Tell us, Jacob."

"When your mother kicked me out of the house that night so many years ago, I returned to the New York and quickly found a way to put my talents for electronics to use. At first I was working for a small, legitimate private investigation firm, but some darker people approached me and made me a monetary offer I couldn't refuse. I was twenty-two years old and naive. Soon, I found myself as a spy for hire, and I must admit I did terrible things and invaded the private lives of many people, some of them probably good, but all of them the enemies of the people who found me and hired me.

Through various channels I learned that your family was returning to the states. I found you easily and I checked up on you from afar," he said, gesturing to the pictures from Emily's high school and college days.

"Why didn't you approach me, Jacob? I would have welcomed you back into my life with open arms. I searched for you for a long time," said Emily.

"By then I was doing so many awful things. I never felt terrible about the work I did until I saw you and realized how ashamed you'd be of me. I couldn't contact you, and I contented myself just keeping an eye on you from time to time. Then in 1995, I was caught spying on a very wealthy and powerful man in Mexico. I was working for one cartel family and the man I was tracking was its competitor. The job should have been simple, but my counterparts were careless, and I was left shouldering the blame. I rotted away in deplorable conditions for two years and then one day I was released." Jacob paused to take a breath.

"My mother got you out," said Emily flatly.

"Yes. She'd learned what I'd been up to since I left her home and was interested in my expertise. She used her connections to get me released and hired me to work for her. There were certain conditions; not having contact with you was one of them. I felt trapped but did as I was asked, knowing the alternative was the hell in Mexico. With my help, your mother experienced the most coveted assignments for a decade. I would monitor other people who were in consideration for certain appointments, dig up scandalous information, and she would make sure that information got to the right connections in the political world."

Emily turned to look at the team for a moment. They all sat in rapt silence. Hotch caught her eye and she knew he was thinking about Emily's distaste for politics.

"And then? What happened in 2006? That's obviously when your focus switched to Emily," said JJ.

"As with anything, connections dry up. People get old, retire or die, and your mother found fewer and fewer people who were interested in her scandalous findings. The new people coming into the political arena did not seem to care for her and had no connection to her. Your mother found herself rather forgotten. And she turned bitter. With little political power, she focused that bitter energy on the one person she'd always focused it on. You, Emily."

Emily squeezed Derek's hand before letting go, and then clasped her hands together, resting her elbows on her knees and leaning forward.

"Why didn't you come to me at that point? I was working for the FBI and I could have helped you."

"I thought about it. I even threatened your mother with that very idea. She had considerable evidence of the crimes I'd committed for her for nearly ten years and had been careful with her own part in it all. I feared the moment I approached you, your mother would and could claim that I was making it up to get back at her, and that I would end up either in a US prison, or worse, back in Mexico. She then told me that there were plenty of other people who could do what she wanted done. She asked would I rather it be me or one of them who was spying on you, Scout. I took the lesser evil. I felt like I could protect you partially by doing this." Jacob paused again to let his words sink in.

"Go on," said Derek through his teeth.

"Your mother wanted information on anything scandalous you did. She hoped you'd have success and gain power, rise through the ranks, so that she could use whatever I found to blackmail you so you would help her have political standing again. I was to follow you, set up cameras in your home, and give her daily reports. She never had any faith in you, my dear, and she convinced herself it was only a matter of time before you'd make an error in judgment and she could use it to her advantage. Her plan really had no merit and made no sense, but hate can blind a person's intellect faster than anything else.

October 19, 2007 rolled around. I had already written in my reports that you and Mr. Morgan seemed to be growing closer in the months leading up to that date and she was foaming at the mouth in anticipation. I was able to keep that night private for you, Scout, but it was one of the few times I got away with it. I was at the bar that evening and snapped the picture of you both on the dance floor. I knew what was likely to happen next. I raced home and turned on the video feed in your apartment…"

Derek growled out, "Bastard."

Jacob looked at Derek and continued, "I turned on the video feed and had my suspicions confirmed, then quickly activated a virus in my computer program to shut down the cameras in your apartment that night, so that I had proof of what looked like a computer error should your mother ask. I wrote my report, included the picture of you on the dance floor and regretfully informed your mother that the cameras in your apartment were malfunctioning."

Jacob paused and stood up to stretch, then started pacing around the small area. "This is where this story takes its worst twist, I'm sorry to say. Your mother showed up at my house early the next morning and demanded that I get the cameras back up, that I show her what you were doing right then. She went from bitterness to lunacy after watching that video for a scant minute. She demanded I make a copy of the video for her and she hired an additional spy to make sure I was doing my job. He was the man hired to make sure I was doing my job. He did not have the technical skills necessary to do what I did, but he was dangerous. That was the moment I realized none of this was worth it and I should contact you, but by then your mother had just enough to harm you, so I complied with her wishes.

I was to send the other spy video files, which I did, but in altered and shortened forms. Your mother seemed satisfied with the pictures included in my daily reports. Scout, I promise you, my interest in those videos was only to keep your mother and the other spy at bay. She enjoyed making me be the one who had to do this, instead of me relinquishing control of the viewing to the other spy. She was capable of hurting you, the other spy was ruthless and didn't care about you; It was in your best interest that I continued to do my job and do it well at that point."

"And she never questioned you that you weren't sharing the most graphic images available?" asked Emily.

"Elizabeth Prentiss really does not have a passionate bone in her body for anything besides her own political agenda. In her mind those pictures were lecherous, a sign of weakness on your part, and certainly plenty graphic. I thought your mother's interest would wane over time, but it didn't. She was both obsessed and patient. She couldn't execute her plan until you did what you were supposed to and gain more power and standing. She was not pleased when you left for London; head of an office in London did her little good in the United States. However, she was hopeful that it was a promotion at least and she had me continue monitoring you."

"Why would it matter if Emily was still seeing Morgan when they were no longer co-workers?" asked Hotch.

"It didn't. On some level, Elizabeth knew that. However, by that point I don't think she cared as much about her original plan. She fluctuated between the ideas of using the images for blackmail and using them for humiliation. As I said, hate is a powerful motivator, but not always a sane one. My greatest flaw was including in my daily report that Emily had talked with you, Mr. Hotchner, about possibly returning to the BAU. I thought it innocuous compared to everything else, but she took it as a personal insult. She'd been waiting and hoping for Emily to return to Washington and take a lateral or higher position than she had in London. The fact that Emily was willing to take a step down was not something Elizabeth anticipated. She started formulating a plan to punish Emily."

Emily took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "OK," she said, "Let's fast forward to these past couple of days."

Jacob sat again and rubbed his face, pausing for several seconds before continuing, "I continued to do my job and delivered a report to your mother yesterday evening that included the picture of you and Mr. Morgan at the cabin. Two hours later she showed up here with the other spy. This was not something I expected. I figured if your mother finally got to her end game, I would contact you and deal with the consequences. Instead, I was ensnared in a trap. I was to deliver the pictures to Mr. Hotchner as directed, or the other spy would deliver several DVDs of the recordings he had to Interpol and the FBI. At that point I realized it was a power game, and I was in the least desirable position. Your mother's hate fueled her idea, the other spy made up the rules, and I was the one who had to comply or risk something even more scandalous for you. It was in that moment that I realized your mother's end game did not just include you. She was still punishing me for being kind to you when you were a child. I am very sorry, Scout."

Emily's cheeks flushed hot with her own rage towards her mother.

"So Emily's mother has copies of all of the pictures?" asked Reid.

"She does, my fine young man."

"And the other spy? What all does he have?" asked JJ.

Jacob turned to Emily and stared at her.

"The other spy has nothing," Emily said. "You killed him, didn't you?"

Jacob nodded. "Indeed. It took me until this morning to locate him. I killed him quickly and quietly, and then destroyed all of his data. I had left you the clues and it was time to clean house. I knew you'd find me and this would soon be over, and I wanted nothing left that could damage you."

"Are you going to do the same with my mother? Kill her?" Emily asked quietly.

"No, Scout. Look at all of these pictures on my walls. This is your life and you are so close to being free and happy. But that last step of finally confronting your mother is up to you. It's a most necessary part of your journey, I think."

"You could have ended this in many different ways long ago," Rossi spit out.

"Mr. Rossi, I stopped being a noble man in 1983. My choices may be questionable, but I do believe I was using what control I did have wisely; when I was first hired by Elizabeth, I was working for my own best interests. In 2006, I started working for Emily's best interests, as difficult as that may be to believe."

Emily stood up, seething in anger, not sure if she was more angry with Jacob for what he had done or for what he hadn't; he had made this mess and lived in it for years, but left her with the responsibility of dealing with her mother. They needed to leave, she needed to talk to all of them and formulate a plan.

As if Jacob could read her chain of thoughts, he said, "I called your mother to arrange a meeting as soon as I saw you walking up my front steps. She will be here," Jacob paused to look at his watch, "in about ten minutes. Trust me, Scout, you don't want to confront her at her house; there are too many eyes watching there. This needs to end tonight, and this is the safest place for it."

Emily went from pure anger to blind panic in a fraction of a second. All of her carefully maintained control shattered at the idea of her mother coming there, where everyone she truly loved was standing. "You all need to leave. We need to wipe this place of any prints so you can't be tied to any of this and you need to leave before my mother gets here," Emily cried in alarm.

"No way, Em," said Derek, "that is not about to happen."

"The last time you tried to protect us like this it didn't work out very well, Emily," said JJ. "I'm not going anywhere." The rest of the team nodded in agreement.

"This is different. My mother doesn't want to kill me; she wants to ruin me. I'm not in danger of dying, but I don't want you caught in the middle of what might happen here tonight. I don't want you on her radar."

"Scout, remember, I want no part of your confrontation with your mother. That is your story and your choice. I understand the concerns of this fine group of people, however. Might I suggest they go in my hidden room with me? They'll be able to watch everything on camera and only be a step away should you need them. As far as wiping things down go, the first rule to not getting caught is to either leave no trace to begin with, or to leave the evidence where it is and find a reasonable story. If neither is an option, it's best to leave it to the professionals to do the cleaning."

Jacob walked quickly to his desk and grabbed a folder. "Everyone's past can haunt her," he said, handing her the folder. "I believe you should always choose the solution you can best live with, not tomorrow but a year from now and long into the future," he said, glancing at Emily's hands.

Emily stared at Jacob, absorbing his words, understanding something for the first time. She regained her composure.

Reid whispered, "Emily," in a worried tone.

"Reid," she said with determination, "I've got this." Reid looked at her for a moment before he looked away and conceded.

"Ok," said Emily, pointing to the secret room, "you all go in there."

"I should stay with you," said Hotch. "It will deflate her quickly if she sees me on your side."

"You absolutely should not. I love you all and I appreciate your concern, but this is my fight and I need to finish this. I refuse to let you be dragged into this mess anymore." She paused to look at Derek. "Please trust me. I'll be ok."

Derek stepped forward and kissed her. "I trust you. But, Emily, are you sure you don't want me to stay?"

Emily took a deep breath, trying to slow her heart rate, squared her shoulders and stood tall, "I'm sure. Even if the pictures had never happened, I would have needed to confront her eventually. I love you, but I need to do this alone."

Jacob stepped into the secret room and the team walked in, throwing concerned glances at Emily. The door started sliding shut, Derek's beautiful face the last one she saw before she was alone.

She peaked inside the folder, confirming her suspicions, then sat in one of the chairs to wait. Her eyes focused on her hands, one holding the folder, the other holding the gun, frantically searching for the best way to eradicate the final ghost in her closet.


	15. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

_The value of life lies not in the length of days, but in the use we make of them…  
Whether you find satisfaction in life depends not on your tale of years, but on your will.  
- Michel de Montalgne_

June 30, 2014

Emily curled on her side on her couch, snuggled under a blanket, facing the computer screen and looking lovingly at Derek as he read. She found herself lulled by his voice, not sleepy, but content. Last week it was Emily's turn to choose the next book, and she finally felt in a place to share _To Kill a Mockingbird _with him. He'd read it long ago and knew the story, but was enjoying reading it again. She told him it was her favorite book when she was eleven, but she hadn't told him why; she hadn't told him about Jacob. She'd come to the conclusion that she couldn't let the experiences of her childhood just live in her past. However painful, they had shaped her into who she was today and he needed to know.

She wanted to talk with him about it in person, though, and soon she knew she would have endless days in which to do that. For now she decided to just enjoy his voice as he read.

He approached her favorite part of the book and she closed her eyes in comfortable anticipation.

"When he gave us our air-rifles, Atticus wouldn't teach us to shoot. Uncle Jack instructed us in the rudiments thereof; he said Atticus wasn't interested in guns. Atticus said to Jem one day, "I'd rather you shoot at tin cans in the back yard, but I know you'll go after birds. Shoot all the bluejays you want, if you can hit 'em, but remember it's a sin to kill a mockingbird."

Derek paused his reading and looked at his computer screen, smiling adoringly at the woman on the other side.

"Hey, Em. You awake?"

Emily opened her eyes and smiled back at him, "Yes, This is just my favorite part of the book."

Derek looked down and continued to read, "That was the only time I ever heard Atticus say it was a sin to do something, and I asked Miss Maudie about it. 'Your father's right,' she said. 'Mockingbirds don't do one thing but make music for us to enjoy. They don't eat up people's gardens, don't nest in corncribs, they don't do one thing but sing their hearts out for us. That's why it's a sin to kill a mockingbird.'"

Derek paused again. "That's your favorite part? I'm not saying it's not a great part of the book, but I'm curious as to why it's your favorite."

"Because it's the beginning to the whole point of the story. Atticus knew how to live as a truly good person. They only time he ever stepped outside of his morals was to protect a mockingbird, in this case Boo Radley. He knew that harming those who only made beautiful music for the world was a sin. Kill the bad guys if you must, but never harm an innocent soul," said Emily.

"I hear you, love," said Derek. "Not that I don't enjoy our philosophical conversations, but it's midnight your time. You know what that means?"

Emily's heart picked up pace in excitement. "July 1st. We're almost there."

"I'm pretty sure the team thinks I'm going slightly crazy; I literally can't stop smiling. Are you going to call Hotch about possibly coming back now that there's a vacancy?"

Emily raised herself up and leaned on her elbow. "Yes. Andrews pretty much has things under control here so I was thinking of extending things a little. I could switch my flight from Monday to Wednesday and just go home with you from the cabin. I'll see if Hotch can see me that Tuesday. And then, if you want to tell the team I'm in town, we could all get together that night and spill the beans." Emily paused and winked, "Just so they don't decide to commit you or anything."

Derek inhaled and smiled, "This is really happening."

"It absolutely is and I absolutely can't wait. Though I have to admit I'm kind of dreading the endless questions from the team about how and why and how long and all of that."

"They won't ask too many questions. Except Penelope, and maybe Rossi. Reid probably will be, too. Yeah, you're right, we're screwed in that regard." Derek said with a laugh.

"Maybe if we set the bar really high when we first tell them, the rest of it will seem trivial. Like, 'The first time we had sex was in Hotch's office. Just kidding! But this _has_ been going on for seven years.'"

They both laughed.

"It's going to be amazing, Derek, not matter what."

"It definitely is. Do you want me to keep reading or are you ready for bed?" asked Derek.

"Keep reading. I love it when you read this book to me. You're my Atticus."

"What do you mean?"

"You'd never hurt an innocent person, you impart wisdom, you don't give up on people, you love fiercely and forgive easily, and you have deep compassion for misguided souls. You are the perfect man, Derek Morgan."

"I think you're pretty perfect, too, Em," he said before starting to read again.


	16. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

_Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host.  
But anger is like fire. It burns it all clean.  
- Maya Angelou  
_

July 10, 2014

Emily moved nervously in the swivel chair, tapping her gun lightly against the folder. What did she know? Until a few hours ago, she'd thought her mother a bitter woman who was part of her past, who she needed to talk about and then let go; now she knew that her mother's bitterness had spiraled into insanity, and that was a potentially dangerous beast to deal with. Elizabeth Prentiss thought she was coming to Jacob's house to see evidence of Emily's humiliation played out over surveillance recordings and would instead find Emily herself. She needed to figure out how to use that to her advantage.

Her mind randomly flashed to that memory of Derek reading _To Kill a Mockingbird. _An important truth came to her: Jack Finch bought Jem and Scout the guns and instructed them on the mechanical basics. Atticus gave them the morals they needed to use their weapons wisely. Emily knew she wanted to be completely free of this mess tonight, not with the tools given to her, but on her own terms. As she hear the distant sound of a car door closing in the driveway, plan came to her.

Inside the hidden room, the team had been watching Emily fidget nervously, swiveling around in the chair and taking her face from their view as she angled away from them.

"Are we really just going to stay in here and watch this go down?" asked JJ.

"We are, unless we feel Prentiss is in danger." said Hotch.

"If Emily snaps, we might lose her again," said Garcia.

Derek shook his head. "Emily's got this."

They watched Elizabeth's car pull into the driveway on the surveillance screen. They saw Emily visibly calm herself on the computer monitor. She sat up straight, adjusted herself slightly in the chair, then swiveled back towards their view to glance at the corner of the room near the desk.

Emily distantly heard her mother's eager steps on the front porch and knew she only had seconds. She looked straight at the camera. "Stay where you are no matter what," she hissed firmly to the lens. "Trust me." Then she turned to face the stairway as her mother's footsteps started to descend. Elizabeth's face was full of anticipation when she stepped onto the basement floor, but she came to an abrupt halt when she saw Emily sitting there. Her expressions flashed from shock to fury to animosity. She addressed her daughter in a detached voice. "I knew Jacob might tell you eventually. It doesn't matter; I'll easily destroy you both."

"Why, Mother? Why have a child if your only goal in life is to ruin her?"

"You always were such a difficult daughter, Emily."

"That's not an answer."

Elizabeth coldly regarded Emily. "We could have been a team, but you rejected me when you were a very small child. I tried to teach you the way to power, and you wanted to smell the roses. You never cared about the important things in life. You still don't."

"I see," Emily said calmly.

"Jacob was obsessed with you from the beginning. Just look at this room! If you love someone that much, you are weak and you can be easily manipulated. So when I needed someone to do my dirty work, I found him. I knew he would comply because I was connected to you. You're both simpletons, clouded by emotions and feelings."

"Seven years of obsession with my personal life - You were very committed. Did you like the pictures, Mother?" Emily asked.

Elizabeth shrugged. "They are what I'd expect of you. You were hopeless at being proper and your goals were always so insignificant. I never expected you to degrade yourself that wholly, but I can't say it surprised me."

Emily bristled for a moment at her words, but quickly controlled her emotions. "Being happy is not insignificant."

"Happiness is trite. It's a foolish child's goal. I raised you to rise to the top and you chose to settle at the bottom as a whore for some man."

Emily cheeks flushed with anger. She breathed heavily. Her hands dropped to her sides as she and her mother stared at one another for several seconds. Finally, Emily stood, folder in one hand, gun in the other. Elizabeth's resolve faltered slightly when she saw the gun, but she stood her ground. Emily walked towards her mother and spoke, "Do you know what Jacob gave me tonight?" Emily turned to the computer desk, set her gun on the edge and opened the folder, laying out several pictures of Elizabeth Prentiss paddling and abusing a young Emily.

Elizabeth's face paled at the sight of the pictures.

"He thought I might tell you that if you shared my pictures, I'd share yours, but I'm not going to do that." Emily gathered the pictures together again, walked around the opposite side of the desk to the shredder in the corner, placed the photos in the feed and flipped the switch.

When the pictures were destroyed, she returned to the desk to face her mother. "The flaw in your plan is that you thought I'd be humiliated enough to allow you to manipulate me."

Emily let her words sink in, and then raised her voice slightly. "I don't care. Make a million copies and paste them all over Washington. Give it your best shot. You can't control me and you can't ruin me. If all you can see in those pictures is a degraded whore, then I pity you. I did rise to the top, Mother. I rose above you as a human being despite all of that," Emily said, gesturing to the shredder.

Emily recognized the look on her mother's face well. Thin lips, narrow eyes, cheeks flushed. Her mother's anger was about to explode. For the first time in her life, she stared her down, not backing away from the impending rage.

Emily raised her voice to a full-blown shout. "The hardest thing for me today was realizing I let you get like this by lying for you all these years. I kept up the facade growing up so that the outside world thought you were a perfect mother. Nothing you do can destroy me, Mother. Love doesn't make you weak; it's hate that can blind you. Love makes you strong and honest. Those pictures are my truth. I win."

Elizabeth Prentiss snapped. She lunged forward and in a flash, grabbed Emily's gun from the desk, pointed it at her daughter and squeezed the trigger.

Nothing happened. She fired again and nothing happened.

Emily calmly reached into her pocket and pulled out the clip. "It doesn't work without this," Emily said, the hint of a satisfied smile on her face. "I didn't want to threaten you with pictures from my childhood because I don't want what you did to be any part of my life now. However," Emily paused to point to the camera in the corner, "I believe the seven people who witnessed this will do nicely to end your insane obsession. For me and for Jacob."

Elizabeth's nostrils flared as she recognized her defeat. She stared at Emily for a full minute, working through her options and finding none. She slammed the gun on the desk and stalked to the stairs. "Goodbye, Emily. Watch your step."

Emily listened to her mother's retreating footsteps up and out of the house. She heard the door behind her open and felt Derek's strong arms surrounding her a second later. "Amazing, Em." he whispered in her ear. Her family came one by one and embraced her. "Nice work, kiddo," said Rossi.

Hotch stepped forward, non-demonstrative Hotch, and placed his hands on either side of her face. "That was brilliant, Emily."

Emily nodded and turned to look in the hidden room where Jacob was sitting at his computers. He swiveled the chair to face her. "That was not the way I thought that would go, but it is your journey. The question is, do you feel free?" asked Jacob.

Emily nodded. "I do, Jem."

Jacob smiled at Emily and turned back to his computers. "There," he said, "it's done. My files of you on my computers are all erased, the surveillance in your homes is useless." He ejected a DVD, put it in a case and stood to hand it to Emily. "Tonight's encounter, should you ever need it."

Emily gently pushed back on Jacob's hand and the DVD. "Thank you, but I don't want it. This was never my game and I won't play it. Use it if you need to, but I don't want to be part of this."

Jacob nodded sadly. "I thought you might say that. I'd hoped when things got to this point you and I would be linked again, but I understand the error in my ways. Your mother wanted to manipulate you and I see now I was doing the same thing. I'm sorry, Scout."

"You knew I couldn't kill her, right?"

"Yes, but I wished on some level that you would, because I wanted to be done with her. I should have realized you'd take a better path than the options I presented you with. Your stunt with the gun nearly gave poor Penelope a heart attack, though. She was just about to open the door when Dr. Reid told her not to, that you wouldn't have left your gun on the desk if you didn't want your mother to grab it."

Emily stepped forward, tears in her eyes, and squeezed Jacob's hand. "It's never to late to choose to be a mockingbird, Jacob."

"My sweet Emily, I fear it is too late for me," he said and squeezed her hand back. "Here, I have a gift for you." Jacob reached over to his desk and handed her a thick photo album. "It's your life," he said, gesturing to the basement walls outside the hidden room. "It took you longer than I thought, but you are here and you are spectacular."

Jacob placed the album in her arms and reached to cup her cheek gently. "I was never destined to be the mockingbird in this story, Emily. Now, you go on and sing your pretty music for the world to hear."

"Thank you for my childhood, Jem," Emily said softly. She couldn't quite bring herself to thank him for anything else. This circus of a day had been his doing as much as her mothers. "You're welcome, Scout. I'll keep an eye on your mother and make sure she's behaving herself."

She turned to her friends, her family, Derek. She linked her fingers with his and addressed the group, "Let's go."

They all walked quietly together, up the stairs, through the house and to the car. Hotch took the front seat so Emily could slide in next to Derek in the middle row. She pressed her body into Derek's side and he wrapped his arm around her. Rossi started the car and pulled away.

"There's something I don't understand here," said Garcia. "He was willing to let you kill your mother, Emily, and clean up the mess. Why didn't he just kill Elizabeth himself a long time ago?"

Reid spoke up, "I don't think Jacob is a killer. His criminal activity was surveillance, secrets and blackmail, not murder. I think the first murder he ever committed was this morning when he killed the other spy, and he did it because the end game had been reached and he needed to clean house. He wouldn't kill Elizabeth, though. I really do think he meant what he said, that that encounter was entirely Emily's journey. He wouldn't take that power away from her."

"That doesn't mean he's entirely stable," JJ interjected. "He certainly got caught up in a complicated and twisted storyline in his head. But I do think he'll leave Emily alone now."

"He will, and he won't kill my mother, either." Emily said quietly. "Now that I'm free of her, I think he will take great pleasure in making sure my mother stays completely insignificant for the rest of her life."

"Are you sure that batshit crazy lady won't come after you, Emily?" asked Garcia.

Emily huffed out a laugh. Batshit crazy, indeed. "No. I gave her the gun and baited her to use it. In that moment she believed she could kill me and get away with it. I'm sure she's already figured out that Jacob will now be watching her, and she won't be able to touch him. He stayed present to protect me, but he's free to disappear now. She is probably doing her own clean up job, deleting anything connected with Jacob and me. She also knows that all of you know the truth about her and if that story comes out, she would be the humiliated one. She won't risk it."

"So we do nothing about Jacob?" asked Rossi.

Hotch turned in his seat to look at Prentiss and she stared back at him. He sighed and turned back towards the front of the vehicle. "We do nothing. Jacob has covered himself too well, and even if we could come up with a way to get a viable arrest warrant, he'd be long gone by then. Besides, him being out there keeping an eye on Elizabeth is the best way to keep Emily safe."

Emily let out a breath she'd been holding. It wasn't an honest end, but it was the best one, for her and the team. She didn't feel badly about it. They were a family; they were honorable and highly functional as a group, and sometimes you had to bend your morals for the greater good. Derek gave her shoulder a squeeze and bent to her ear to whisper, "I didn't think it was possible to love you more than I already did." Emily placed a loving hand on his chest, content to feel the cadence of his familiar heartbeat. The car became quiet, each person lost in their own thoughts.

Her eyes wandered to the clock on the dashboard. 9:30pm. Was it even possible that just twelve hours ago her and Derek were at the cabin? She felt like she'd lived a lifetime since then. She'd been stripped down to the bare bones in terms of her humility and secrets and waded through a tsunami of embarrassment, but she'd trusted this group of people to help her, and she felt good for having done so. Had this all occurred prior to last year, she might have run for the hills and never looked back. She checked herself now and realized she still had her footing; Her body was tired, but she felt strong.

She lifted her head away from Derek's chest. "Can we stop at a drive-thru or something? I don't know about you guys, but I'm fucking starving." Everyone laughed and agreed they could definitely go for some food, but they all felt apprehensive about her light-hearted humor, Derek most of all. They'd seen this side of Emily before; the side where she masked her emotions and overcompensated in order to avoid dealing with something traumatic. The last time that happened, she'd ended up in London.

When they got to Rossi's with their food, Emily walked straight to the kitchen, casually gathered the pictures in a pile, and placed them on the edge of the island upside down. She pulled out a stool next to the pile of pictures and started unloading her food bag. The team gathered in the kitchen quietly and Derek stood behind her, resting his hands gently on her shoulders. "Emily," he said in a quiet, worried tone. She felt all of their stares at that moment and looked at their faces, recognizing and comprehending the root of their concern.

"I'm all right, you guys. Really. With Doyle, I tried to fix my mess on my own and lost myself in the process. Today was different. This wasn't a mess I created, you all were with me, and I didn't lose anyone today who I hadn't already let go of. Everyone I love is right here with me in this kitchen, including myself. I'm might have difficult moments in the future when I think about today, but I'm not going to fall completely apart. What happened today was embarrassing and heartbreaking and frightening and empowering. Right now I'm hungry and I'm choosing to focus on the empowering feeling. I can work through the other feelings as they come." She turned in the stool and looked up at Derek and gently touched his cheek. "I really am ok. I love you and we're going to be just fine." Derek nodded and smiled at her, finally relaxing.

She turned back to her food and started unwrapping her burger. "Besides," Emily said, "Derek and I had been trying to come up with a way to tell you all about us while avoiding the third degree. Today was certainly one way to take care of that. I think it's safe to say that you all have no questions?"

Genuine laughter filled the kitchen then, and they all gathered around the island with their food.

"What about the pictures, Emily?" Garcia asked, gesturing to the pile. Emily reached her hand over and picked up the random picture that was on the top of the pile. She smiled faintly at the image and set it back down. "We need to get rid of them," Emily said. "I'd think of my mother every time I looked at them and that's just..."

"Totally ick," finished Garcia.

"Exactly."

"You have a shredder, Rossi?" asked Derek.

"In the den."

Derek took the pictures, dropped a kiss on Emily's head and said, "Consider it done, Princess." A moment later they could hear the faint sounds of the shredder from down the hall.

After that they kept the conversation light, talking mostly about Emily's new house. They avoided conversations about what she was going to do for work, not wanting to put either Emily or Hotch in an awkward position. Rossi invited Emily and Derek to stay the night. Though Emily was fairly sure that Jacob would not be spying on them again, the fact remained that there were cameras in Derek's house and neither had the energy to deal with them at the moment. The cabin was too far this late at night, and Emily's new house had no furniture yet, so they accepted Rossi's invitation.

They finished eating and people started trickling out to go home with warm hugs and pleasant goodbyes. Hotch was the last to leave. When he departed he said to Emily, "My office. 9:00am Tuesday morning." She gave him a brief, astonished look and nodded. "9:00 it is."

"Huh," said Derek after Rossi closed the front door, "I thought for sure that meeting was permanently canceled."

Rossi clapped Derek on the shoulder. "He's a stern man, but he's not an unreasonable one. He'll mull this over for a few days. I have no idea what he'll ultimately decide, though."

Emily shrugged. "We'll have to wait and see." She picked up Jacob's photo album where she'd set it by the front door. She was surprised when she opened the cover and the first picture was not of the smiling five year old holding a copy of the Velveteen Rabbit; that was the second picture. The first picture was of her and Derek on the dance floor. A sticky note was on the front of it:

"Scout,

I know by now you've decided to destroy the pictures I delivered, but I wanted you to reconsider keeping this one. In almost 40 years of taking your picture, this was the look I longed to capture on your face. Your journey in life will always go back to your past, or leap to worries about the future. Should you feel yourself losing your footing, look to the beginning of your start of something spectacular. Look at your face in this picture and hold on.

All my love,  
Jem"


	17. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

_Every heart sings a song, incomplete, until another heart whispers back. Those who wish to sing always find a song. At the touch of a lover, everyone becomes a poet.  
-Plato_

August 1, 2014

Emily stood in the doorway of her empty flat. Her furniture had been sold or given away and she'd shipped most of the possessions she wanted to keep to her new home early the week before. She had only a single suitcase left to bring with her on her flight home in a few hours. She'd slept in a hotel the past two nights and had only come back to turn in her key. It had been a good home for her, a safe place to heal and grow, but she knew the day she moved in that it would be temporary.

The phone in her pocket buzzed; a message from JJ:

"Morgan just blew open the case in San Francisco faster than even Reid could keep up. He wanted to make sure he got back home in time to meet you at the airport. ;-) I'm so happy you're coming home, Emily. Safe flight and I'll see you soon!"

Emily smiled at the screen, her thoughts drifting to her meeting with Hotch a couple of weeks before.

XXXXXXXXXX

July 15, 2014

Emily walked down the hallway towards Hotch's office trying to remain realistic, but she couldn't help feeling hopeful, too. If he called her Prentiss, she figured she was golden. If he called her Emily, her chances slimmed. Either way she'd be fine, she reminded herself. The door was open when she arrived and Hotch was looking at the newspaper. She stood in the doorway and he looked up. "Emily, have a seat." Her heart sank, but she took a seat on the other side of his desk without missing a beat.

"How was the remainder of your weekend?" Hotch asked.

Emily searched for a descriptor and settled on, "Wonderfully ordinary."

Hotch raised his eyebrows in question.

"We didn't go back to the cabin. We worked in the garden at the new house and did some furniture shopping. We went to JJ's for a barbeque on Sunday." Emily paused and smiled, "I learned that Derek is about as ruthless at Candy Land as he is at take-down drills. Henry was not pleased." Emily laughed at the memory. "It was a happy weekend, Hotch."

Hotch gave her one of his rare smiles. He really needed to work on the smiling thing.

"Did you read the paper this morning?" he asked.

"No, why?"

Hotch flipped the paper to the end of a section, folded it and pointed to a small story in the corner. PRESIDENT APPOINTS ELIZABETH PRENTISS AS AZERBAIJAN AMBASSADOR.

"Jacob works fast. I can only imagine what he had to dig up on several political advisers to get your mother from complete obscurity to number one on the President's appointee list in just three days. It has to go to the Senate for vote, of course, but there's no reason for them to vote no. Her political reputation may be dated, but it's solid as far as they all know," said Hotch.

Emily placed her hand gently on the article. "He's still trying to protect me. I thought he'd want to make her suffer, but he knows with an appointment she'll forget about me and be too far away to do any damage."

"That's what I was thinking." Hotch settled back in his chair. "Anyway, let's get down to business. Are you sure you're interested in what is essentially a demotion?"

Emily opened her eyes wide, hopeful again. "I've never thought of my jobs as status symbols. I've done what I've loved and I've done what I needed to do. I wouldn't see coming back here as a demotion; I'd see it as coming back to what I love."

Hotch nodded in understanding. "What was your favorite part of the job when you worked for the BAU?"

That one was easy. It's what she'd missed most when working as the head of the London office. "Helping the victims and families while trying to build a profile."

Hotch nodded. "I thought so." He paused a moment and leaned forward in his desk chair. "There was a budget meeting yesterday. We were all asked to try and cut back our expenditures by a certain amount. I could significantly cut back my discretionary fund, or give up the open position for a full- time agent. I think I'm going to choose the latter and request that the portion remaining of that full-time salary is added to my discretionary fund."

_Ok,_ Emily thought, _That was that._ "Why couldn't you have just told me this over the phone?" Emily asked, disappointment clear in her voice.

"Because the decision involves you," said Hotch.

Emily raised her eyebrows in confusion.

"Even if I had been able to push through the bureaucracy to get you back at the BAU, you'd never get to have the life you really wanted. I have no doubt that you'd be good within the team, but if people outside of that found out about you and Morgan, your job would be in jeopardy. There are gray areas with the fraternization rules, but agents working in the field together are absolutely forbidden."

"I know, but, Hotch, it happens."

"It does, but only in teams with less dangerous field work and they aren't as scrutinized as our team. Besides, is that really how you want to live?"

Emily sighed, "No, you're right."

Hotch continued, "A discretionary fund is a wonderful thing. I can use it as I see fit without needing secondary approval. The rules are much loser. I could use it for the team to extend their stay during a case, for example. And I could also use it for profile consulting. For instance, if there was a case involving children and I felt that we needed an additional person to help question the victims and families in order to build our profile, I could use that money without anyone asking who or why."

Emily's face brightened, seeing his line of thinking.

"It couldn't be close to full time, at least for this team. There are a set number of hours I can use the same person each year." Hotch continued. "But if there was a motivated and talented profiler like yourself who wanted to be her own boss and work as a consultant, I'm quite certain other departments in the FBI and local law enforcement could keep her busy."

"Wouldn't you be creating more work for the team if you reduce it by one position?"

"I think there's a very good chance the budget review committee would ultimately take that position away anyway. I'm just going to offer it up first and try and pad our discretionary fund a bit. If we could bring you in for a specific focus on our larger cases we might be more efficient, actually. I'm willing to try it."

Emily pondered the idea in her head, liking it more and more with each moment. She'd get to be with the BAU sometimes, but would also get to work with other teams and local police departments. More importantly, her relationship with Derek could be open without worry. She'd never considered something like this, but the idea felt right. Wonderful. It was a good compromise. "I'd be interested in exploring something like that."

"I thought you might say that, so I took the liberty to help you get started." Hotch handed her a folder. "You'll need to file a business license, a contract with the FBI, and some other things. It's simple paperwork and you won't raise a red flag; you could easily be in business by September at the latest. In the folder you'll find all of the paperwork you need.

Emily took the folder and smiled at Hotch. "Thank you so much. It really means a lot to me that you're on my side."

"I've always been on your side and always will be. No exceptions," Hotch paused. "And Emily, I want you to know that I find it truly remarkable that you came from where you did and ended up where you are. I'm proud to know you."

She blinked back tears and said quietly, "I'm proud to know you, too."

Emily walked down the hall towards Derek's office where he was eagerly waiting to hear what Hotch had said. She quickly filled him in on the details. "What do you think, Derek?"

"What do _you_ think? Would you be happy?"

"I think I would be. I love this team and I would have taken a position immediately if Hotch had offered it. But the one thing that always concerned me was how that would play out for us in the long run. It's a lot of togetherness, especially if we're eventually living together. You might get sick of me."

"Never. But I do hear what you're saying. Anyway, I like this idea. Emily Prentiss, Criminal Profiler. Using her mind to kick ass and take names."

Emily laughed. "Let's go tell the rest of them."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

August 1, 2014

She could hardly contain herself once she boarded the plane. She was giddy with excitement, which is a feeling she'd experienced maybe never. She'd been excited before and happy before, but this was something else entirely. She felt like her face was going to crack from smiling so hard. She tried to rest on the plane, she tried to watch a movie, she tried to read. In the end, she just decided to let herself feel this emotion and think about Derek and smile like a loon for seven hours. The kind man next to her said, "My, my, someone very special must be waiting for you in Washington."

"Very special," she replied.

The flight seemed endless. The line in customs was excruciating, but as she made her way to the exit, she could see him there. She'd told him he could pick her up at the curb, but she knew he'd be right there. She bounced on her heels and smiled brightly at him as she waited in a small bottleneck at the exit, her body unable to contain the excitement she felt in her heart. As soon as she broke free from the crowd, she rushed to him, dropped her bags on the ground and threw her arms around his neck. He wrapped his arms around her and lifted her, crushing her lips in a passionate kiss. After several seconds, he set her down and rested his forehead against hers.

"Ready to go home?"

"Definitely."

In the car, Emily still couldn't contain her excitement. She turned in her seat and touched is face, his arm, his neck. Finally she weaved her hand under the seat belt and up his shirt, coming to rest over his heart. She leaned the side of her head on the headrest and stared at him.

"The washer and dryer arrived last week. The couch, the bedroom furniture and the kitchen table came this week."

"That's good."

"I bought you some bedding so you have a comfortable place to sleep tonight."

"We. We have a place to sleep tonight."

"Yes, we. I got in from our case a few hours ago, so I had time to go to the store and get some groceries. And I bought you a coffee maker."

"I've said it once and I'll say it again, you are a perfect man, Derek Morgan."

Derek took note of her languid voice. "You ok there? You sound a little...drugged."

"This is called sublime happiness combined with me actively holding myself back from letting my hands wander. I'd prefer we not get in an accident."

"Ha! Well, I think I got all of your boxes in the right rooms, but I didn't start unpacking anything. I figured you'd want to do that."

"I was actually thinking it might be more efficient if you just moved in now," she said nonchalantly

Derek gave her a sideways glance and saw her sly smile; she felt his heartbeat pick up under her hand. "Well, as long as it would be more efficient," he said jokingly.

"I was thinking about it on the plane and the whole reason I wanted to wait was because I was worried about how everything would settle with my job and telling the team. But I'm not worried about that anymore and there's not really a reason to wait. I don't ever want this to feel like my home first. I want it to be ours from the beginning."

Derek threw her a huge smile. "Sounds perfect to me. I also have a surprise for you at the house."

"If that surprise involves five people waiting there to greet me, preventing me from ripping off your clothes the second we walk in the door, I might hit you."

"No," Derek laughed. "Penelope wanted to surprise you, but I told her maybe she could come by tomorrow. She rolled her eyes at me and asked, 'How long are you two going to be impossible and all over each other?' Then she said, 'Never mind, I know the answer to that. I'll just make it a rule to always call first.'"

"That is definitely a good rule," Emily said with a smile.

There was no traffic on the road and the thirty miles from the airport to their house went by in a flash. They second they got in the door and set down her suitcase, Emily pushed him against the entry way wall, and lifted his shirt up and off him, then pulled his head down and found his lips with hers. "So you weren't kidding about ripping my clothes off," Derek said when she broke the kiss. He stared at her with a bemused look.

"Did you know," she said, "I looked it up and the average couple actually has sex two to three times a week."

She pulled away from him and reached to lift her own shirt up and off.

"I was thinking on the plane, running numbers in my head."

Emily kicked off her shoes and Derek did the same.

"I've been in London for about 110 weeks. That's 330 times at three times a week."

She leaned forward and kissed his chest, running her hands appreciatively over his abdomen.

"I figure we could knock it down to 300 missed opportunities, since I did see you while I was living there."

Emily reached behind her, unhooked her bra and flung it off her. Derek hummed appreciatively and reached his hands forward but she pushed them away, shaking her head at him. "Not yet." She reached for the button on his jeans and undid it, then slowly released the zipper. She teasingly ran her hands inside the waistband of his underwear, settling them at his back and stepping forward, pressing her chest against his. They both sighed in contentment at the feeling. She dropped several gentle kisses on his neck and felt his arms drape loosely around her.

"So, I was thinking that if we wanted keep up our average now _and_ make up for lost time, we should probably shoot for at least five times a week."

She grabbed onto the waistband of his jeans and underwear and dragged them slowly down his legs, helping him out of the legs, then pushed both garments aside. She ran her hands slowly up the skin of his calves, thighs and hips as she stood back up. Derek moaned in frustration as she bypassed the one place he desperately wanted her to touch him.

"Patience, my love." Derek's breathing picked up pace and his eyes lowered as he watched her hands move to the button on her own jeans. "Five times a week," she continued as she lowered her zipper, "and we'd be all caught up in a little under three years."

Emily lowered her pants, kicking them off her legs. Derek's eyebrows raised in surprise, "No underwear?"

She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing her body fully against his. "I thought it would be fun to surprise you with the no underwear thing, but I learned a valuable life lesson today: denim and going commando on a long flight does not mix." Derek huffed out a laugh and brought his lips to hers, kissing her gently at first, then deepening it. He ran his hands up and down her ribcage, lightly teasing the sides of her breasts with his fingertips, thrilling at the shiver that ran through her body. "Bedroom?" he asked and she nodded.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Derek rested on his side drawing lazy circles with his fingers on the soft skin of Emily's stomach. He had his head propped in his other hand and was watching Emily as she lay next to him, one hand behind her head, face turned towards him, eyes closed, a small smile playing on her lips.

"What are you thinking about, Em?"

She opened her eyes to look at him.

"I'm thinking...the next time someone says Derek Morgan is macho, I'm going to blow your cover and talk about the flowered bed sheets you bought for our bed."

"I gave Garcia my credit card and let her go shopping."

Emily laughed and rolled to face him, "That's your story, huh?. Actually, I was thinking how I love the fact that after seven years, it still feels like a new adventure every time we have sex."

"It's always going to be like that. It's us. We don't do average anything," Derek said with a smile. "Hey, can I show you my surprise now?"

"Of course."

"Ok, hang on a minute." Derek got of bed and headed towards the door, she heard walk down the hall and then saw him return moments later, a box in his arms. Emily giggled at the sight of him carrying the box while completely naked otherwise. "Never laugh at a naked man, Emily. It deflates his ego." he said teasingly and she rolled her eyes. He settled himself under the sheet and Emily sat up, the box between them.

"I had this idea and I decided to go for it, but I admit I'm a little nervous that you won't like them. And I didn't want to decide where they ultimately ended up in case you didn't like them. And if you don't like them, we can just keep them in the box and forget about it..."

Emily put her hand over his. "Relax, Derek. You know everything there is to know about me and I highly doubt there's anything in that box that I won't love. Can I open it?"

He nodded and Emily reached to lift the lid. It looked like several individual gifts in tissue, all about the same size, about seven inches wide and eighteen inches long . She lifted the top one and took the tissue off and gasped, tears filling her eyes. It was a matted frame with two places for pictures. The top picture was of her at five years old holding _The_ _Velveteen Rabbit. _The picture had been scanned and altered, then reprinted; the date on the bottom was cropped off and it was now black and white. Below it was another black and white picture, of Derek, around the same age, sitting in a chair with a copy of _Where the Wild Things Are._

"I thought of that picture of me the second I saw yours and the idea just grew from there. Last weekend I flew home and raided my mother's photo albums. When I told her why, she jumped right in to help me. She can't wait to have you be part of her life, Em."

Emily had no words. She reached for the second picture. Her at age six on a swing at the park, and Derek around the same age on a swing. Her standing at the entrance of Galleria degli Uffizi in Florence and Derek standing at the entrance to The Art Institute of Chicago. Her on the elephant with Jacob and Derek riding a horse with his dad.

"I thought we could put them in the hallway upstairs," said Derek quietly.

Emily shook her head. "In the living room. I want everyone to see them."

"So you like them?" Derek asked happily.

Emily turned to reach up and place her hand on his cheek, dragging her thumb over his lips and gently resting it there. "Limba dultsi multu adutsi."

Derek raised his eyebrows.

"It means 'sweet language brings much.' But I'm thinking that with all the languages I know there is not one single way I could adequately tell you how much I love you."

"You don't have to, Em. Everything I need to know I can see in your eyes."

- END -

_Thank you so much for reading and for the positive reviews! I debated whether or not to add an epilogue, but I needed to resolve things. I'm tossing around another story in my head that will take place after this one, so we shall see! _


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